Photo by Killian Rose Photography
My freshman year of college I went to Naples, Florida, with my boyfriend (who is now my handsome husband) and his parents for spring break. To give a little background, it is important to know I struggled with severe and at times crippling anxiety for years prior to this event, really since I was in middle school. I grew up in a Christian home and and went to a Christian school my whole life, so I knew about God and that He sent His only Son Jesus to die for our sins. I had heard scripture and the truths within it my whole life, but I struggled to believe real grace applied to me. I struggled to understand that no matter what I did or thought, His blood and sacrifice was truly more than enough to cover it all. For me. I had no trouble believing it for everyone else, but why for myself?
This struggle and inability to feel truly forgiven and saved caused me to put God on the back burner toward the end of high school and into my freshman year of college. I invested my heart and time into my friends, school, and my social life, to try and distract myself from not feeling forgiven or that I was enough for Jesus. I continued down this path and started to feel farther and farther away from God. Friends and school weren’t enough to keep me distracted. I wanted more; I needed more. I needed to be reassured God was with me and loved me and I was enough.
This brings me to spring break in Naples my freshman year. I remember so vividly sitting by myself down by the pool, trying to read my Bible and seek hope that He was still there with me. I randomly thought about Gideon and the sign he asked God to give him in making the fleece wet but the ground dry, and then to make the fleece dry and the ground wet. This was to reassure him that God would use him to save Israel (see Judges 6:36–40).
I thought to myself, God answered Gideon—maybe He would answer me if I asked him to give me a sign to reassure me He was with me. I thought of a butterfly in my mind; specifically, a picture of a yellow butterfly popped into my head. So I took the leap of faith. As I sat there beside the pool by myself I prayed, “Lord, if You are truly real and really here with me now, please send me a butterfly as a sign that You love me and are with me.” I sat there quietly for a few minutes, staring at the water in the pool and wondering if it was wrong what I had asked God to do, not having enough faith on my own.
As a stared at the water, a beautiful yellow butterfly flew right in the line of my vision, almost as if God was saying, “This is too good; you can’t miss this!” I thought my heart was going to explode. He heard me! He answered me. He was with me and loved me so much that He would send me not just any butterfly, but a yellow butterfly, just like I saw in my mind!! It was the sweetest, most affirming and faith-building moment in my life.
This was five years ago and every time I think back to it, it still reminds me of God’s amazing goodness and loving patience in so clearly reaffirming His love and presence in my life. Today I walk in so much more confidence, knowing our Father’s love and Jesus’ sacrifice in becoming sin on the cross for us is and forever will be more than enough for me and for all of His children!
A Million God Stories is a Christ-centered ministry which offers a platform for Christians from all streams of Christian faith to give praise for how God has worked in their lives. Christ heals in infinitely creative ways and we acknowledge that His way of helping may differ from person to person.
