2017 – Page 2 – A Million God Stories

#127. Journey to Jordan: Mt. Nebo Encounter

June 6, 2020November 4, 2017 by pamamilliongodstoriescom

Photo by Pam VanArsdall

I stood on Mt. Nebo in the spot where God showed Moses the promised land that he would never enter. My heart was filled with wonder at the thought of Moses’ journey of faith in God and in the promise of a nation.

Moses has always been one of my favorite characters in the Old Testament. Perhaps it’s because I can identify with him in the fight against slavery. He was an abolitionist, used by God to free the Israelites from captivity in Egypt. Moses faithfully led the Israelites for years in the wilderness.

The Israelites’ journey and their struggle to trust God is often a great parallel to my own journey of faith. The children of Israel struggled to trust God. They complained, doubted God, and at one point thought that slavery in Egypt was better than freedom in the wilderness. Yet in all of that, God provided everything they needed to live.

So many times, I have found myself struggling to trust God in the unknown seasons. Fear has sometimes become more comfortable than faith, but just like the Israelites, God has always provided for my every need. He patiently leads me out of the wilderness of fear, doubt, insecurity, and discouragement and into freedom.

I wonder if Moses was disappointed to not enter the promised land? He fought hard to free his people, so maybe leading a great nation toward freedom was enough.

Looking out at the vast view of Mt. Nebo toward Jericho and beyond, the word freedom came to mind.

Freedom is a word that I feel I so often take for granted. Over the years, God has taught me the power of freedom when He called me to be a voice in the social justice movement.

I thought I had a good grasp of the word freedom, until I spent a day in Jordan visiting the baptismal site of Jesus and the place where Moses stood to look out at the promised land—two places representing promises made and promises being fulfilled.

To walk where Jesus actually walked and remember why He walked the earth truly captivated my heart. Bethany Beyond the Jordan and Mt. Nebo represent the journey of slavery to freedom.

To anyone reading this, do you feel stuck or enslaved to an idea or a lie about yourself or God? How has your journey from slavery to freedom been? Maybe fear has been your captor? I don’t know what point of your journey you might be in, but I do know this: He created us to walk in the freedom of the promise of being His sons and daughters.

As we pulled away from Mt. Nebo, tears came to my eyes as I realized that I had left a part of myself on top of that mountain. The encounter I had with God, looking out on the same vista as Moses did so many years before, changed my life. I felt challenged to surrender every fear and doubt to God.

In that moment with God, on the same mountain where Moses once stood, my heart was renewed at the reminder of the goodness of God.

A Million God Stories is a Christ-centered ministry which offers a platform for Christians from all streams of Christian faith to give praise for how God has worked in their lives. Christ heals in infinitely creative ways and we acknowledge that His way of helping may differ from person to person.

#126 Journey to Jordan: God Is Love

June 6, 2020October 17, 2017 by pamamilliongodstoriescom

Photo by James Ramos

It was golden hour, sunset in the Wadi Rum desert of Jordan. Our small group of Christian pilgrims traveled over sand dunes in the open bed of a small pick-up truck at a speed that both terrified and thrilled me. The sun was hot on our faces, sand beating and stinging our skin. My eyes wanted to close to shut out the sand, but I didn’t want to miss a moment of this otherworldly place, the indescribable beauty of it. The truck stopped and we got out to watch the sun melt into the vast, orange, sandstone mountains. I felt so small. Praise for God, who created this great cathedral of sand and stone, rose inside of me.

Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the whole world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.

Psalm 90:2

Darkness fell and we continued our journey to a Bedouin campsite. In the distance, white lights twinkled from the caves in the side of the mountain, homes to some of our Bedouin hosts. Bedouins are nomadic people who raise livestock in the deserts of the Middle East. They have inhabited this land for over 2,000 years. These kind, hospitable people prepared a feast for us—meat and vegetables cooked in a pit three feet under the earth, coffee brewed with cardamom over an open fire, crackling in the cool desert night. After dinner, we wandered beyond the campsite into the black darkness of the night, nearly bumping into a camel resting nearby. We laid down in the sand and gazed at the splendor of the night sky. I have never seen such a sky… so clear, so vast, so many bright, twinkling stars, even shooting stars. And again, I felt so small. A great sense of awe came over me, a deep appreciation of God as Creator of the universe.

Over and over while on this trip to the Holy Land of Jordan, I have asked God to reveal to me what it is that He would have me to learn about Him. What I have felt as I have traveled this beautiful Holy Land is a deep sense of His greatness and power. Although our human minds are unable to comprehend this completely, God has given us a glimpse of Himself in His creation.

And God has also revealed Himself to us in the life of His Son, Jesus. When we visited the baptismal site of Christ at the Jordan River, an expert explained the history and geography of the area. He shared that the place where Jesus was baptized, where He began His ministry, is the lowest place on earth. Of all the places Jesus could have begun His ministry, why the lowest place on earth? Perhaps to show us there is no depth that He will not reach to find us, to love us, to save us. No one—NO ONE—is so low that Christ cannot save him.

Lowly seems to be a theme throughout the life of Jesus. He was born in a lowly stable among common farm animals, the child of poor parents who fled with Him to become refuges in a foreign land. At the end of His ministry, He took on the lowly posture of a Gentile slave, humbly washing the feet of His disciples, providing a model of humility and service for us all. He was unjustly treated as a lowly criminal and endured a humiliating and excruciating death for our sakes because of His love, God’s love for us.

As I leave the Holy Land, I am struck by the contrast of God’s greatness and the humble life of His Son on earth who came serving, healing, and saving us. “Who are we Lord that You, in your infinite greatness and power, are mindful of us?” (Psalm 8:4). Perhaps the question is not who are WE but who is HE? And the answer I believe is this: GOD IS LOVE, and this too is so vast, so great, so powerful that it is beyond all human comprehension.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38–39

#125. Journey to Jordan: Dawn on the Jordan River

June 6, 2020October 12, 2017 by pamamilliongodstoriescom

Photo by Anna Carroll

The rooster crowed as I made my way down the dusty trail to the shore. It was dawn on the banks of the Jordan River. I had hoped to have a few moments alone in this sacred place, to be with the Lord, to sit quietly with Him. I sat down next to the water, alone except for the singing birds.

The reflection of the moon swayed gently on the river’s surface. It was so quiet, so peaceful. I slid off my sandals and put my foot in the water, sensing a physical connection with Him. The water in this river touched the body of Jesus and the water from this same river now touched my skin. Something stirred deeply in my soul. Softly but earnestly, from my heart I sang.

Holy, Holy, Holy! Lord God Almighty!

Early in the morning, my song shall rise to Thee.

(Reginald Heber, 1826)

I was glad no one was around to hear me – but at the same time I longed for others to join me in worshiping Him. I sat silently for some time, recalling the Scriptures and imagining Jesus walking into the water to John and being submerged, then lifted up, the Spirit of God descending on Him like a dove and the voice from heaven, “This is my Son whom I love; with Him I am well pleased.” Matthew 3:16-17

After a while, another woman arrived on the hill above me. Perhaps she wanted time alone as well. I had only walked a few steps away when I saw a white feather along the rocks of the shoreline. I immediately thought of God’s Spirit that descended on Jesus as a dove. A coincidence perhaps. But perhaps instead it was God’s way of reminding me of His presence… His Spirit in that place, His Spirit in me, His Spirit in us.

Later our group gathered at the Jordan River for a communion service. The pastor who led us asked that we sing together before we received the bread and wine. Softly but earnestly, from her heart she sang.

Holy, Holy, Holy! Lord God Almighty!

Early in the morning, my song shall rise to thee.

Soon everyone’s voices rang out in harmony and my early morning longing was fulfilled…. with the same song! In this group from different backgrounds, different denominations, even different countries, we had this in common…. We were one in the body of Christ and our hearts were made to worship Him.

#124. Journey to Jordan: Like the Man at Gadara

June 6, 2020October 11, 2017 by pamamilliongodstoriescom

Photo by Michelle Scaperlanda McWay

Today we traveled north from Amman, Jordan to Umm Quais, known as the city of Gadara in the New Testament. Garda was one of ten cities in the Decapolis, a group of ten cities where Jesus and his disciples traveled to preach the Good News. Seven of these cities are in Jordan, one is in Syria and two are in Israel. To reach Gadara, we drove along the Gilead mountains, the hill country where Jacob fled with Rachel, Leah and his children from his father-in-law, Laban. There Laban overtook Jacob but the two made peace as Laban heeded God’s warning to “Be careful not to say anything to Jacob, either good or bad.” (Genesis 31:24)

I looked out of the window on our journey towards Gadara and took in the low ranges of the Gilead hill country. Save the occasional tree or rock, mostly these mountains looked barren, covered with a tan-colored dirt and no water in sight. I wondered what it was like for Rachel and Leah to pack up everything and leave their family, to travel with their children across these mountains fleeing from their father. And what about Jacob? God had told him “Go back to the land of your father and to your relatives and I will be with you.” (Genesis 31:3) Was Jacob excited to see his family back home? Was he fearful of Laban tracking him down even though God had promised to be with him? He may have been afraid, but Jacob obeyed God. He trusted God and God was faithful to him.

I suspect my experience is similar to many American Christians. We have heard the stories from the Holy Scriptures many times – from our early years in Sunday School, from our pastors in Sunday service, from our own personal study of the Bible. With this has come a comfortable familiarity with the stories. I am a visual person and being here in the Holy Land of Jordan, seeing where the stories unfolded… it is surreal. I can now put real images of the setting with the words on the pages of the Bible.

Before our trip to Gadara, I read the three accounts of the miracle Jesus performed at Gadara (Matthew 8:28-34, Mark 5:1-20, Luke 8:26-39). I prayed the Lord would show me what He would have me to learn about Him. When we arrived at Gadara, we walked through the remains of the city, down an ancient road paved with smooth, rectangular tiles. At the road’s end was a spectacular overlook with a view Israel, Syria and the Sea of Galilee below. Also in view was the cliff that scholars believe to be where Jesus cast out a legion of demons from a man notorious for being violently tormented by demons for years. The man lived among the tombs and had been bound hand and foot with chains but even the chains could not bind him. Jesus cast the demons into a herd of pigs that ran off the cliff into the Sea of Galilee below. Afterwards, the man, dressed and in his right mind, pleaded to go with Jesus. But Jesus said, “Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” The man obeyed and “all the people were amazed.” (Mark 5:19-20) Perhaps the testimony of this man had something to do with the formation of the ancient Christian church we walked through, near the cliff where the miracle occured. There is power in our testimonies. Jesus knew this when he told the man to stay and share his story.

On the way back to Amman, I thought of my own demons…. shame and anxiety chief among them. Christ has delivered me from these ruthless tormentors, exchanging unexplainable peace for relentless angst and undeserved grace for my shame. Like the man at Gadara, the Lord has had mercy on me and done much for me. I am made new because of Him.

#123 Narrow Escape

June 6, 2020October 2, 2017 by pamamilliongodstoriescom

Photo by Ashley McKinney Brown, Shining Light Photography

Nearly fifty years ago, I was squirrel hunting with a friend in a swampy region of Louisiana. My friend had gone off to another area and I was alone. I had already killed two squirrels and had noticed that other squirrels were feeding in beech trees. So, I began to look for beech trees. I came upon one, and crept up on it very cautiously and quietly. I stopped and just watched the tree at for at least five minutes or more. Then I decided there was no squirrel in the tree. I turned my head to the right and saw a briar thicket. I couldn’t go that way. I couldn’t walk towards the beech tree because there was a tree down from a storm that was blocking my path. As I looked to the left, it was as if my eyes were magnetically drawn to the ground. There was a huge rattlesnake coiled with his head cocked, ready to strike.

If the snake had struck me, there would have been no hope for me. My friend was too far away. I would have died right away as this was an extremely poisonous snake. I had a 12-gauge automatic shotgun with me that I was holding at waist level. Miraculously, the gun was already pointed directly at the snake. I didn’t even have to move the gun! I just had to hold tight and pull the trigger. I shot the snake in the head and killed it. I had been very calm until this point, but realizing the danger I had been in, I began tremble. I wanted to retrieve the rattles (there were 13) to prove this encounter. I picked up the tail—even though the snake was still moving—and broke off the rattles. I put the rattles in my pocket and headed back to the place where I was to meet my friend. I found him resting against a fence post. I showed him the rattles and he said, “Let’s go find it!” We looked for the beech tree and soon spotted the snake. We pulled it out of the swamp because it was too heavy to carry. We draped it over the car bumper and it hung off of both sides. We measured it and it was 6 foot and 3 inches!

When I got home from hunting, I went in to tell my wife about the snake. She said she knew something had happened because she had a terrible feeling that I had been bitten by a snake while I was gone. When she felt this, she got out of bed and went down on her knees to pray for me. I asked her what time she had prayed for me and she said 8:00 a.m. That was the time that I had shot the snake. My wife and I have been married for 66 years, and having a premonition like my wife did that day is extremely unusual for her.

When I remember this day of narrow escape, I just think of how amazing it was that God communicated to my wife that I was in danger and that He answered her prayer for my safety. He intervened on my behalf to save me. This is just one example of the many amazing things God has done in my life. I give Him thanks and praise for the wonderful ways He works in our lives!

#122. Loving The Unloved

June 6, 2020September 30, 2017 by pamamilliongodstoriescom

Photo by Trevor Rapp

My wife and I met in college through involvement in the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. After we married, we became very involved in our church. I taught Sunday school for years and served on different committees. But we began to feel a real need to do ministry outside of the church walls. We started reading the gospels to learn more about how Jesus did His ministry. We saw that He was involved in church—but He also went out and ministered to those not loved by society. Our prayer was, “Help us to see the world as You see it and live in it as You lived in it.”

We began volunteering once a week at Room in the Inn, a seasonal ministry of local churches that welcomes homeless men during the cold winter months, providing hot meals and a warm, safe place to sleep. We did this all winter and grew to know and love many of the men. At the end of the cold season, I asked the leader, “What do we do now?” The response was to come back next November. But we didn’t want to wait. How could we keep connected to our friends through the spring and summer? I found out that homeless men in our community gathered at McDonald’s downtown. I began stopping in the mornings to have coffee and hang out with the guys. Usually one or two of the fellows that I had met from Room in the Inn were there, so that made it easier.

One day I was working on the deck at our home and thought maybe a couple of the guys would enjoy helping to build our deck. They did, and before long they were helping in other ways at our house. They became a part of our lives. Our daughter played soccer and they went to the games with us. We opened up our family to them because most had lost their families. We had a small birthday party for one of our friends and bought him a gift and a cake. When we brought out the cake he said it had been 14 years since anyone had even said happy birthday to him. Something so simple brought him so much joy. We started thinking about all that we had and what we could share. We had a washer and dryer that we shared so our friends could wash their clothes at our home. We had a phone they could use, a computer, a garage where they could store things, and a couch for when they weren’t feeling well.

Around this time, we also started a home group that met in our home twice a month for a meal together, and Bible study with prayer and communion. We did this at first with other members from our church. After one or two gatherings, we began to invite our homeless and marginalized friends. Every other week on Friday night we began to have a group of about 10-12 people, half were usually homeless and half were “homed.”

One day my neighbor pulled me aside and said, “I’m not sure you know how uncomfortable the neighbors are with what you are doing – having all these homeless men in your home.” A few days later, I received a letter from the city saying that I needed to cease and desist having a “church” in our home. That same week we learned that another neighbor had hired an attorney in preparation for a suit against our family to force us to abandon our work with the homeless. We thought, “What are we going to do now?” We loved our house and neighborhood. We prayed about it and thought we could fight it and go to court, but even if we won, the relationships with our neighbors would still be fractured. We had been praying and thinking about ways to simplify—so we decided to leave the neighborhood. We informed the neighbors we were leaving, and we decided to buy a smaller, less expensive home to get completely out of debt. We bought a home not far away but on a busier street where our homeless friends would be less conspicuous. Our new neighborhood was more impersonal than our previous neighborhood. Now several years later, our new neighbors know we “help people” but beyond that there have been no questions or complaints. And the financial freedom we have discovered after moving to this house has been one of the most liberating things we have ever done.

We created a ministry which provides bus passes, clothing, sleeping bags, and tents. We also wanted to give the fellows the opportunity to give back, and they wanted to do that. We began a woodworking night in our basement one night a week. The money made from selling the items we create goes back into the ministry to help others who are marginalized or homeless. I love woodworking and making conversation. My wife loves opening our home and serving others. Hospitality gives her so much joy. God uses both of us to love and serve our friends.

At first, we wanted to change our new friends. We wanted to get them housed and help them find employment. Over the years, we realized that God doesn’t call us to change people. He calls us only to love them and communicate His love to them. Striving to change our friends was not really loving them. So, we accepted our friends where they were, knowing that in the end, they may not change a whole lot. We realized this must be the way God loves us in our constant struggles with our own sin. God is patient. He doesn’t give up on us. He is waiting for us to open ourselves to Him and confess our need for Him. God doesn’t reject us when we fail.

God has transformed our hearts. I was a faculty member at a big university and led research there. But God was calling us to a different life. I no longer work for the university. I now work fewer hours and make less money. This has not been an easy process. I have lowered my expectations of myself in relation to my career and now spend more time with my family and serving others. God has returned much more to us than we have given up. We are very grateful for the change. Now when I drive past a big beautiful home or a nice car, I don’t long to have those things. We are content—more than content. Through this process, God has brought us a new freedom, new relationships, and much joy and love.

God has also changed my attitude toward those who are different from me. Before, I was judgmental. I thought, “Why don’t they just get a job?” I didn’t understand. Before, when I drove past a guy pushing a grocery cart, I would not have thought of that guy as a Christian—but now I know many of those guys! And many are Christians—and have wonderful relationships with the Lord. Their problems are just very visible. My problems, though less visible, are no less real. Jesus has opened my eyes and my heart and I am so grateful.

The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ — Matthew 25:40

#121 Divine Intervention

June 6, 2020September 28, 2017 by pamamilliongodstoriescom

Photo by Ashely McKinney Brown, Shining Light Photography

I grew up in Mississippi in the 1930s and 1940s. In 1963, I graduated from the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminar. Shortly thereafter, I accepted a call to pastor a church in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. After 50 years in ministry, I still enjoy being a pastor very much.

Last month, I was preaching on Sunday morning. It was like any other Sunday morning except that particular July morning, I was having some chest pains. After the service, I blacked out for a little while. Even though I wasn’t feeling well, my wife and I joined our son and his wife for lunch after church. I continued to have some chest pain through our lunch. When we got ready to leave the restaurant to go home, I got into our car to drive my wife and I home and our car wouldn’t start. Our son then got into our car and he couldn’t start the car either. This was very curious because it was a new car and we had never had a problem with it before. So, our son and his wife drove us home from the restaurant. When we got home I still wasn’t feeling well. They checked my blood pressure and it was very low – something like 80/38. They called 911. When the EMTs came, they checked me out and took me to the hospital where I was admitted. Meanwhile, my son-in-law went to check our car at the restaurant and it started right up the first time he tried it. Since this time, the car has always started just fine on the first try.

The next day there was a time when I was alone in my hospital room. I had no visitors and there were no doctors or nurses around. I began to have a very difficult time breathing. It was at just this time that our daughter came to my door and seeing that I was having this episode, she went to get help. The doctors and nurses came quickly. The cardiologist told me I was having a heart attack. The next day I had three stents placed because I had three blocked arteries in my heart. Since that time, I have been recuperating and now I am doing much better. I have resumed preaching on Sundays. I am thankful that I can continue serving as pastor because God is blessing the church in many ways. It is prospering and good changes are taking place in the lives of the people.

If my car had started at the restaurant, I could have blacked out or had a heart attack on the way home, causing a wreck and hurting my wife or other people. Because our son and daughter-in-law drove us home, they were able to check my blood pressure and call 911 to get me to the hospital before I had a heart attack. If our daughter hadn’t come to the hospital at just the right moment, I may not have gotten the care I needed in time to save me from the heart attack. Everyone we know – including me – believes that God intervened. God is faithful and He promises never to leave us or forsake us. He has demonstrated this to me many times in my life. This was only one of many occasions. There are many other stories I could share!

#120 Undeserved Kindness

June 6, 2020August 18, 2017 by pamamilliongodstoriescom

Photo by Trevor Rapp

Growing up I didn’t have a good example of living a life of true faith. My mentality was, “God’s up there and He’s hard to please.” And I continued this way of believing into adulthood. I didn’t feel like I could count on anyone. I felt like I could do it myself, on my own. I didn’t know I had Jesus to go to.

When my second child was born, I started to really put pressure on myself to provide for my family. I felt a new sense of urgency and commitment to “do my best for my family,” and to me that meant I needed to work more. I am a very competitive person by nature, and although I knew some people were more talented than me, I felt my strength was my ability to outwork others.

But working more resulting in being away from my family more and this was NOT a good thing. I put all the responsibility on my wife to take care of the children. We spent less and less time together as a couple. Our roles as parents supplanted our roles as husband and wife. My family history included a lot of divorce. My parents, grandparents, and aunts and uncles were divorced. I went into marriage thinking, “If this doesn’t work out, we can just get a divorce.” My wife’s parents were happily married and they were very involved in their church. They were great models for me.

Someone at work began to pursue me. I think about the story of Joseph and how Potiphar’s wife pursued him but he resisted. I wish I could have been like Joseph. I wish I would have resisted. But I didn’t, and because I didn’t, my wife and I went through a very difficult time. I hurt my wife so badly. Fortunately, because of my wife’s family, she did not give up on me. I went to talk to her father about what I had done. I was ashamed and embarrassed. He came out to my car, sat with me and showed me love that I didn’t deserve. I will never forget the unconditional love he showed me. It still moves me greatly to think of the grace and undeserved kindness he showed me.

It was a tough five to six years after that. I didn’t know if I would ever get back the confidence and trust of my wife. During this season, I met the man who led me to Christ. We met through a work project. I remember the first time I walked into his studio. There was so much peace there. He invited me to coffee to talk. I thought, “What does he want from me?” But he just listened as I poured my heart out. He asked if he could pray for me. We were still in the coffee shop and I was worried someone would see us. It just felt awkward, like everyone was looking at us. But I said “yes” and he prayed a beautiful, powerful prayer for me. This coffee shop meeting was a turning point in my life. I thank God for this man because he helped me to understand who God is and what it looks like to live a life in relationship with Jesus.

Over time, my relationship was restored with my wife and family. But there were other changes I needed to make. I had fallen into the trap of defining myself by my job. I needed a change in how I viewed myself at work and a new understanding of my true identity and worth. For years, I had been working for the same company and I really wanted to leave and start my own business, but the time wasn’t right financially. I asked the Lord to show me how He could use me in my current work situation. God provided opportunities for me to be a light to others at my work. I began to understand why I was at work, that it was about serving God and people and letting God use my talents for Him. My desire became to glorify God in what I was doing professionally. Eventually, the time was right and I started my own business. Although it has been really hard at times, I know God will use it all for something better than I can imagine. God has brought clients to my business who pray with me—we even pray together about our work. This has been such a blessing to me. I am trying to offer every part of my work day to God. Before I go into a meeting, I will often pray, “Lord, I don’t know what this meeting is about, but let me be what You want me to be.”

Throughout this journey, God has brought many people to love me and help me. I have a wonderful church, where there is excellent teaching and many tools and support. I joined a Saturday morning men’s group at our church where I found a community of men who encourage me and help me grow. For the last six years, I have been in a Bible Study Fellowship group where I have continued to learn. I am so thankful for the blessing of community that God has provided. I still struggle and there is much more to be written of my story, but this I know: I have a Father who loves me unconditionally, who restores my brokenness, and who provides for me and guides me. He is available to me every moment of every day. I don’t have to do life on my own.

#119 Let Go and Let God

June 6, 2020August 2, 2017 by pamamilliongodstoriescom

Photo by Lynnesy Catron Photography

Right after we got married, my husband and I began trying to have a baby. I got pregnant but had a miscarriage at 10 weeks. My husband and I prayed often about our desire to have a child and we continued to try, but after 18 months we sought a fertility specialist. For six months I was on fertility medicines, hormone injections, and for three months we tried intrauterine fertilization. Nothing was successful. We decided to let go and let God handle it. We knew He had a plan for us.

Three months later, with no fertility intervention, I became pregnant. My pregnancy was normal, with no complications or sickness. It was truly a joyful experience. Close to my due date I went into labor and was admitted to the hospital. I was hooked up to a monitor and the doctor began to go over what to expect. Then she just stood there and watched the monitor. She told us every time I had a contraction the baby’s heart rate dropped drastically. After about one minute she said, “We need to do a C-section NOW!”

They rolled me down the hall and the anesthesiologist came up behind me, put his hands on either side of my face, and told me to just look at him as he gently explained to me what was happening. I believe that God sent him to me in that moment of uncertainty, as his words were so comforting to me. There was no time for an epidural. They gave me general anesthesia and I was out.

I thought once our baby was born, he would be okay, but when I woke up I saw that the nurses around me had on royal blue scrubs. I work at the hospital and I knew that royal blue scrubs meant they worked at the Children’s Hospital. The neonatologist confirmed this. “Your son is very sick.” Our son, Henry, had a bowel movement (meconium) while he was in utero and had inhaled a large amount of this. His lungs were coated and he had no lung function. The doctor said he had never seen a baby survive with that amount of meconium in the lungs.

In the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) they struggled to intubate him, trying three times. The doctors tried standard treatments but all failed. That night we saw him for the first time in the NICU. I took pictures of him and talked to him but I have no memory of it. God protected me from seeing him that sick. It would have been too much for me to handle.

When we got back to my room that night, my husband I prayed out loud that God would save him. We knew it would take a miracle. The last resort was to put Henry on extracorporeal membrane oxygenation, or ECMO. This is the machine that people are put on when they have a heart transplant. They pump the blood out of the body, put oxygen in it, and then pump it back into the body. This comes with the risk of the brain bleeding and permanent brain damage, but Henry’s chance of survival was very low without this treatment. We prayed about what to do and with God’s guidance decided to proceed with ECMO.

At 2 a.m., the surgeon placed a cannula in Henry’s neck and hooked up the ECMO machine. Henry improved immediately. After seven days, he had improved so much that they were able to discontinue the treatment. After one month in the NICU, Henry had recovered and we took him home. Henry is now two years old and has no developmental delays. Everything is perfect physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Throughout this whole experience, I never felt scared or hopeless. I felt very peaceful. I knew that God had brought us to that point and there was no way He would abandon us. God’s peace and hope transcended the fear.

Looking back now, it is clear how God worked in advance to save Henry. In December 2013, I was offered and accepted a job in administration at a large university medical center. This was just six months before Henry was born. This allowed me to have new insurance that would cover the care. The total cost was $500,000 and my out of pocket cost was only $200. More importantly, because I switched jobs and insurance plans, Henry was delivered at the university hospital where there was a team of highly trained medical providers, with experience and training in the very procedures that were needed to save Henry’s life. The neonatologist was very experienced in lung problems in newborns. There was a surgeon available who was experienced with ECMO at the very time Henry needed him. There was an ECMO technologist available to ensure the machine worked properly. Because the ECMO treatment is so expensive and risky for newborns, a leadership team from the university hospital has to vote on whether or not to allow the treatment. This team was available to vote and they voted yes. The ECMO treatment itself was not even offered at the hospital where I would have delivered had I not changed jobs. In fact, I believe that there is only one other hospital in the state that offers ECMO. Everything fell into place for Henry to receive life-saving care. God gave us Henry and then God saved Henry. He is a pure joy and blessing to us.

Our second child was born a few months ago—a healthy baby girl. May God be glorified for everything He has done and continues to do for our family.

#118 God Came Close

June 6, 2020July 27, 2017 by pamamilliongodstoriescom

Photo by Nicole Tarpoff

May 17th was my original due date. And to be honest, I thought I’d be pregnant again by now. I thought May 17th would come and go and I would be a new kind of happy, glistening with hope and pregnancy glow, excited for our new healthy baby to enter the world.

But that didn’t happen.

I still remember the day and those moments so clearly. I had been waiting so long to see our sweet baby for the first time; nothing beats the anticipation of that first ultrasound. I have never been so elated. But the tech was quiet and said, “Let me go get the midwife…”

A few moments later, we heard the words “no heartbeat,” “not meant to be,” and “miscarriage.” I have never been so heartbroken. In the days following, it was all I could do to pull myself out of bed and move to the couch. My mom came over and cleaned the whole house, cried with me in between doing dishes and dusting. Friends came. Some shared their own stories of loss. Others brought flowers and food. Over a few weeks of processing and mourning, I began to see our baby in Heaven, wrapped in the arms of Jesus, and bouncing on my grandfather’s knee. I began to see the gift of perfect life that our tiny love had been given. It may be weird to say, but it was almost hard to un-wish what had happened.

I comforted myself with thoughts of quickly getting pregnant again. Of moving on to a healthy pregnancy with a different baby that couldn’t have existed without losing the first. Again, I expected to be pregnant long before that first due date ever came. And well, I was. Four months after losing our first, the test was positive. And so was I. Positive that this one would be fine. That the first one was just a fluke, part of the unlucky 20 percent. God and I had a deal, and I knew this one would be perfect.

But three days after my test turned positive, I started to bleed. One week later, I miscarried our second baby. The first time I was devastated. The second time I was angry. Angry at God. I asked him, “How could You do this to me? The very thing I begged You not to do?”

I was completely broken. And that is when God came so close. In my pain and anger, in my suffering, the God of the Everything felt as close as my skin. And in my deep desperation, as I asked the Lord why He hadn’t delivered what I so desperately wanted, He whispered to me this truth, “You won’t get everything you want in this life, but in the middle of every single ‘no,’ my Son is always your ‘yes.’” In my pain, can I have more of Jesus? Yes, every time. In the middle of my anguish and despair, in my disappointment and brokenness, is He drawing near, giving me more of His comfort and love? Yes.

I am learning over and over again that this life isn’t about getting everything I want. It is about getting more of Jesus. May 17th has come and gone, and while I still hope to be pregnant in the future, I am full of Christ today.