Jesus – A Million God Stories

#128. Journey to Jordan: John the Baptist

June 6, 2020November 11, 2017 by pamamilliongodstoriescom

Photo by Pam VanArsdall

There is this man I have never met but heard often of his life and legacy on earth before he died.

It was on day seven that I found myself alone at the top of a place called Mukawir, a fortress belonging to Herod Antipas where John the Baptist was imprisoned and then killed. I had come to Jordan to help in the filming of a short piece on the Biblical sites of Jordan. Every day held some new adventure and it was the most I had ever been in the front of the camera. However, day seven proved to be the most memorable of adventures. Just me, on top of the ruins of a fortress and a drone filming me overhead. Somehow we had managed to choose a time in which there were no other tourists. Mukawir held an incredible view of the Dead Sea and on a clear day, the towers of Jerusalem. I had time to worship and be with Jesus after filming my scene. I stood looking out into the sea and down the hillside to the various caves that John the Baptist was believed to have been held.

A cave wouldn’t have been unfamiliar to this man as he had been known to call a cave his home. Jesus called him, “the greatest of men.” A simple life he led and yet supposedly some scholars argue that he was treated well in captivity as Herod Antipas carried some fear/respect for John. But the thing I wondered most is not found in any document or Bible verse. What were John’s final thoughts before his life was taken? It was so quiet on top of that mountain. Just the wind was all that I could hear. As I reflected on the famous life taken at the very spot I stood, I was humbled. John lived and died for a cause greater than himself. I can imagine he suspected he would die and that he felt his cause and message worth the cost.

John the Baptist was a man who had been given the job of preparing the way for Jesus. This job had required consistent preparation, waiting, hoping and trusting. Finally, the day comes and Jesus walks down the hill and is baptized by John. Then shortly after this event, John is arrested and placed in prison (Machareus/Mukawir).

Once again, he is waiting and hoping and trusting. At one point, he even sends his disciples to check that Jesus is in fact the Messiah.

In reflecting on this man’s life and important role in preparing people for one of the greatest gifts the world would ever receive, I was humbled. To be standing in the place where this man breathed his last breath made me realize how easy it is to become disappointed or disillusioned when waiting and hoping seem to stretch out longer than we anticipated. To trust as deeply as John did, to the point that he dedicated his whole life to the mission of preparing the way for Jesus, required sacrifice and absolute surrender to God. And maybe his final thoughts were on the deep hope he carried of a greater understanding of things yet to come.

“….we who have taken refuge may have powerful encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us, which we have like an anchor of the soul, both firm and steadfast, and entering into the inside of the curtain, where Jesus, the forerunner for us, entered, because He became a high priest forever….”

Hebrews 6:18-20

A Million God Stories is a Christ-centered ministry which offers a platform for Christians from all streams of Christian faith to give praise for how God has worked in their lives. Christ heals in infinitely creative ways and we acknowledge that His way of helping may differ from person to person.

#126 Journey to Jordan: God Is Love

June 6, 2020October 17, 2017 by pamamilliongodstoriescom

Photo by James Ramos

It was golden hour, sunset in the Wadi Rum desert of Jordan. Our small group of Christian pilgrims traveled over sand dunes in the open bed of a small pick-up truck at a speed that both terrified and thrilled me. The sun was hot on our faces, sand beating and stinging our skin. My eyes wanted to close to shut out the sand, but I didn’t want to miss a moment of this otherworldly place, the indescribable beauty of it. The truck stopped and we got out to watch the sun melt into the vast, orange, sandstone mountains. I felt so small. Praise for God, who created this great cathedral of sand and stone, rose inside of me.

Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the whole world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.

Psalm 90:2

Darkness fell and we continued our journey to a Bedouin campsite. In the distance, white lights twinkled from the caves in the side of the mountain, homes to some of our Bedouin hosts. Bedouins are nomadic people who raise livestock in the deserts of the Middle East. They have inhabited this land for over 2,000 years. These kind, hospitable people prepared a feast for us—meat and vegetables cooked in a pit three feet under the earth, coffee brewed with cardamom over an open fire, crackling in the cool desert night. After dinner, we wandered beyond the campsite into the black darkness of the night, nearly bumping into a camel resting nearby. We laid down in the sand and gazed at the splendor of the night sky. I have never seen such a sky… so clear, so vast, so many bright, twinkling stars, even shooting stars. And again, I felt so small. A great sense of awe came over me, a deep appreciation of God as Creator of the universe.

Over and over while on this trip to the Holy Land of Jordan, I have asked God to reveal to me what it is that He would have me to learn about Him. What I have felt as I have traveled this beautiful Holy Land is a deep sense of His greatness and power. Although our human minds are unable to comprehend this completely, God has given us a glimpse of Himself in His creation.

And God has also revealed Himself to us in the life of His Son, Jesus. When we visited the baptismal site of Christ at the Jordan River, an expert explained the history and geography of the area. He shared that the place where Jesus was baptized, where He began His ministry, is the lowest place on earth. Of all the places Jesus could have begun His ministry, why the lowest place on earth? Perhaps to show us there is no depth that He will not reach to find us, to love us, to save us. No one—NO ONE—is so low that Christ cannot save him.

Lowly seems to be a theme throughout the life of Jesus. He was born in a lowly stable among common farm animals, the child of poor parents who fled with Him to become refuges in a foreign land. At the end of His ministry, He took on the lowly posture of a Gentile slave, humbly washing the feet of His disciples, providing a model of humility and service for us all. He was unjustly treated as a lowly criminal and endured a humiliating and excruciating death for our sakes because of His love, God’s love for us.

As I leave the Holy Land, I am struck by the contrast of God’s greatness and the humble life of His Son on earth who came serving, healing, and saving us. “Who are we Lord that You, in your infinite greatness and power, are mindful of us?” (Psalm 8:4). Perhaps the question is not who are WE but who is HE? And the answer I believe is this: GOD IS LOVE, and this too is so vast, so great, so powerful that it is beyond all human comprehension.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38–39

#125. Journey to Jordan: Dawn on the Jordan River

June 6, 2020October 12, 2017 by pamamilliongodstoriescom

Photo by Anna Carroll

The rooster crowed as I made my way down the dusty trail to the shore. It was dawn on the banks of the Jordan River. I had hoped to have a few moments alone in this sacred place, to be with the Lord, to sit quietly with Him. I sat down next to the water, alone except for the singing birds.

The reflection of the moon swayed gently on the river’s surface. It was so quiet, so peaceful. I slid off my sandals and put my foot in the water, sensing a physical connection with Him. The water in this river touched the body of Jesus and the water from this same river now touched my skin. Something stirred deeply in my soul. Softly but earnestly, from my heart I sang.

Holy, Holy, Holy! Lord God Almighty!

Early in the morning, my song shall rise to Thee.

(Reginald Heber, 1826)

I was glad no one was around to hear me – but at the same time I longed for others to join me in worshiping Him. I sat silently for some time, recalling the Scriptures and imagining Jesus walking into the water to John and being submerged, then lifted up, the Spirit of God descending on Him like a dove and the voice from heaven, “This is my Son whom I love; with Him I am well pleased.” Matthew 3:16-17

After a while, another woman arrived on the hill above me. Perhaps she wanted time alone as well. I had only walked a few steps away when I saw a white feather along the rocks of the shoreline. I immediately thought of God’s Spirit that descended on Jesus as a dove. A coincidence perhaps. But perhaps instead it was God’s way of reminding me of His presence… His Spirit in that place, His Spirit in me, His Spirit in us.

Later our group gathered at the Jordan River for a communion service. The pastor who led us asked that we sing together before we received the bread and wine. Softly but earnestly, from her heart she sang.

Holy, Holy, Holy! Lord God Almighty!

Early in the morning, my song shall rise to thee.

Soon everyone’s voices rang out in harmony and my early morning longing was fulfilled…. with the same song! In this group from different backgrounds, different denominations, even different countries, we had this in common…. We were one in the body of Christ and our hearts were made to worship Him.

#124. Journey to Jordan: Like the Man at Gadara

June 6, 2020October 11, 2017 by pamamilliongodstoriescom

Photo by Michelle Scaperlanda McWay

Today we traveled north from Amman, Jordan to Umm Quais, known as the city of Gadara in the New Testament. Garda was one of ten cities in the Decapolis, a group of ten cities where Jesus and his disciples traveled to preach the Good News. Seven of these cities are in Jordan, one is in Syria and two are in Israel. To reach Gadara, we drove along the Gilead mountains, the hill country where Jacob fled with Rachel, Leah and his children from his father-in-law, Laban. There Laban overtook Jacob but the two made peace as Laban heeded God’s warning to “Be careful not to say anything to Jacob, either good or bad.” (Genesis 31:24)

I looked out of the window on our journey towards Gadara and took in the low ranges of the Gilead hill country. Save the occasional tree or rock, mostly these mountains looked barren, covered with a tan-colored dirt and no water in sight. I wondered what it was like for Rachel and Leah to pack up everything and leave their family, to travel with their children across these mountains fleeing from their father. And what about Jacob? God had told him “Go back to the land of your father and to your relatives and I will be with you.” (Genesis 31:3) Was Jacob excited to see his family back home? Was he fearful of Laban tracking him down even though God had promised to be with him? He may have been afraid, but Jacob obeyed God. He trusted God and God was faithful to him.

I suspect my experience is similar to many American Christians. We have heard the stories from the Holy Scriptures many times – from our early years in Sunday School, from our pastors in Sunday service, from our own personal study of the Bible. With this has come a comfortable familiarity with the stories. I am a visual person and being here in the Holy Land of Jordan, seeing where the stories unfolded… it is surreal. I can now put real images of the setting with the words on the pages of the Bible.

Before our trip to Gadara, I read the three accounts of the miracle Jesus performed at Gadara (Matthew 8:28-34, Mark 5:1-20, Luke 8:26-39). I prayed the Lord would show me what He would have me to learn about Him. When we arrived at Gadara, we walked through the remains of the city, down an ancient road paved with smooth, rectangular tiles. At the road’s end was a spectacular overlook with a view Israel, Syria and the Sea of Galilee below. Also in view was the cliff that scholars believe to be where Jesus cast out a legion of demons from a man notorious for being violently tormented by demons for years. The man lived among the tombs and had been bound hand and foot with chains but even the chains could not bind him. Jesus cast the demons into a herd of pigs that ran off the cliff into the Sea of Galilee below. Afterwards, the man, dressed and in his right mind, pleaded to go with Jesus. But Jesus said, “Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” The man obeyed and “all the people were amazed.” (Mark 5:19-20) Perhaps the testimony of this man had something to do with the formation of the ancient Christian church we walked through, near the cliff where the miracle occured. There is power in our testimonies. Jesus knew this when he told the man to stay and share his story.

On the way back to Amman, I thought of my own demons…. shame and anxiety chief among them. Christ has delivered me from these ruthless tormentors, exchanging unexplainable peace for relentless angst and undeserved grace for my shame. Like the man at Gadara, the Lord has had mercy on me and done much for me. I am made new because of Him.

#118 God Came Close

June 6, 2020July 27, 2017 by pamamilliongodstoriescom

Photo by Nicole Tarpoff

May 17th was my original due date. And to be honest, I thought I’d be pregnant again by now. I thought May 17th would come and go and I would be a new kind of happy, glistening with hope and pregnancy glow, excited for our new healthy baby to enter the world.

But that didn’t happen.

I still remember the day and those moments so clearly. I had been waiting so long to see our sweet baby for the first time; nothing beats the anticipation of that first ultrasound. I have never been so elated. But the tech was quiet and said, “Let me go get the midwife…”

A few moments later, we heard the words “no heartbeat,” “not meant to be,” and “miscarriage.” I have never been so heartbroken. In the days following, it was all I could do to pull myself out of bed and move to the couch. My mom came over and cleaned the whole house, cried with me in between doing dishes and dusting. Friends came. Some shared their own stories of loss. Others brought flowers and food. Over a few weeks of processing and mourning, I began to see our baby in Heaven, wrapped in the arms of Jesus, and bouncing on my grandfather’s knee. I began to see the gift of perfect life that our tiny love had been given. It may be weird to say, but it was almost hard to un-wish what had happened.

I comforted myself with thoughts of quickly getting pregnant again. Of moving on to a healthy pregnancy with a different baby that couldn’t have existed without losing the first. Again, I expected to be pregnant long before that first due date ever came. And well, I was. Four months after losing our first, the test was positive. And so was I. Positive that this one would be fine. That the first one was just a fluke, part of the unlucky 20 percent. God and I had a deal, and I knew this one would be perfect.

But three days after my test turned positive, I started to bleed. One week later, I miscarried our second baby. The first time I was devastated. The second time I was angry. Angry at God. I asked him, “How could You do this to me? The very thing I begged You not to do?”

I was completely broken. And that is when God came so close. In my pain and anger, in my suffering, the God of the Everything felt as close as my skin. And in my deep desperation, as I asked the Lord why He hadn’t delivered what I so desperately wanted, He whispered to me this truth, “You won’t get everything you want in this life, but in the middle of every single ‘no,’ my Son is always your ‘yes.’” In my pain, can I have more of Jesus? Yes, every time. In the middle of my anguish and despair, in my disappointment and brokenness, is He drawing near, giving me more of His comfort and love? Yes.

I am learning over and over again that this life isn’t about getting everything I want. It is about getting more of Jesus. May 17th has come and gone, and while I still hope to be pregnant in the future, I am full of Christ today.

#100 Merciful and Gracious

June 12, 2020April 23, 2017 by pamamilliongodstoriescom

Artwork by Lily Murphy

My grandparents raised me until I was six years old. They were very godly people. We went to church regularly and they taught me great values. When I was six years old my mom got married and I went to live with her and my stepdad, who adopted me. My stepdad and I fought a lot, mostly because I was disrespectful. When I was 16 we got into a fight and he threw me out of the house. I ran the streets and began using drugs.

By age 17, I was trafficking drugs and had my first felony by age 18. I went to jail but my parents bonded me out in two days. In the next couple of years, I started cocaine. By age 20, I had six counts of felony receiving stolen property. I went to prison and started reading the Bible. I was interested but not committed. After I got out of prison, I violated my parole with alcohol and cocaine and spent six more months in prison. This happened four times with the same result…each time I went back to prison. So between 2000–2004, my life was spent in and out of prison. While I was out of prison, I went to college and completed courses. Finally, I successfully completed parole and graduated college with a degree in social work and a 3.36 GPA.

Instead of using my social work degree, I bought three nightclubs with the money I inherited when my mom died. One was a rave club. The clubs produced a massive amount of money. I went into drug dealing, selling Ecstasy in the rave club. I was flying in and out of Miami and Vegas to get drugs. I bought restaurants and opened a real estate company. But then things started crashing down around me. My best friend overdosed. My business partner committed suicide. Then a soldier got a drug in one of my nightclubs that killed him, and girl at one of my clubs got a drug that caused her to go into a coma. The police arrested a dealer in Miami and eventually that led the police to me. I was sentenced to 12 years in a federal prison. But even when I went to federal prison, I was still thinking about how I could develop my drug business to be even bigger and better when I got out.

While in prison, I got into an argument with a guard, which got me thrown into the “hole”—basically prison within prison. There on my bunk was a small Gideon New Testament Bible. I started reading it, and by Matthew 16 I started crying. I said, “I am checking out of this. If you’re real, God, show me.” Now the hole is very loud, with prisoners making all kinds noise, but within minutes after saying this, everything went quiet. Everything stood still. A warm sensation wrapped me up and held me. It literally felt like someone holding me. In my head I heard, “You’re forgiven.”

Then I said, “Yes Lord, but what about this…?”

“You are forgiven.”

And again I asked, “But what about this…?”

“You are forgiven.”

Back and forth this went on until I finally believed I was forgiven. Then I sat and cried. I still felt that warmth, like I was being held. Then from my toes to the top of my head, the presence just swept through my body. It was like I had just taken my first breath. The hair on my arms stood up. Everything in the prison cell was beautiful. Even the stainless-steel toilet was gleaming. I felt such joy. From that moment on everything in my life changed. I started reading my Bible again and soon a young man was brought to share the hole with me. We became great friends; we prayed together and became brothers in Christ. Later, when we were both out of the hole, he invited me to a Bible study and I started to go. I told the prison chaplain about my story and my experience with God, and he began discipling me into the faith.

I prayed, “Lord, I want to know the truth. Show me what is true and what is not.” The Lord sent people and books to show me the truth. God sent me books on theology and apologetics, defense of the Christian faith. And God opened my eyes to truth through the scriptures. I hungered so much for God’s Word and spent six hours each day studying the Bible and memorizing verses.

I began to see how God was blessing me after I got out of the hole. Usually when you go to the hole, all your personal possessions are destroyed or thrown away. When I got out of the hole, all of my possessions were returned to me in perfect shape. Everything was stacked neatly in a bag. Even my underwear was folded. One of the prison officers said to me later, “How did you like that bag? Be blessed!” This just does NOT HAPPEN IN PRISON! Then I had a court date about the altercation with the guard that landed me in the hole and they forgave it and cleaned it off my record. I got the best job you could get in prison. I started serving in the prison church, ushering and preaching from time to time. I was moved to a prison in Virginia, then to Kentucky, my home state. Here I was discipled by a wonderful prison chaplain, a committed, godly man.

At the end of my prison sentence, the prison chaplain told me he felt God calling him to help me. Three days before I was released from prison, the chaplain told me to call a men’s ministry and recovery program. I interviewed there and connected with the director. I spent the next six years working there, preaching, teaching, cooking, counseling, volunteer coordinating, and renovating their building. Because I had a social work degree, I was eligible to become a certified alcohol and drug counselor. A counselor I had met when I was released was the counselor for the resident drug abuse program and agreed to be my supervisor for this certification process. After I became a certified counselor, I created my own ministry for outpatient substance abuse treatment. This ministry has expanded and I now have my own building. In 2016, I went back to graduate school to become a licensed professional clinical counselor in mental health. I will graduate in July 2018 with a Masters in Counseling and Human Development after which I will be able to expand my ministry into mental health counseling as well as substance abuse counseling. I am also now working for Job Corp, an agency of the U.S. Department of Labor and Department of Agriculture. In this role I work with 16-24 year olds to provide counseling and substance abuse prevention and intervention.

My life bears witness to a God that is MERCIFUL and GRACIOUS. He gave me life. He gave me a chance to turn it all around. I should have been in prison for life. I damaged and destroyed thousands of lives. It still amazes me…moves me to tears. I am FORGIVEN. Because of God’s love that is beyond all comprehension and Christ’s sacrifice, I am FORGIVEN. Pure. Blameless. My slate is clean.

“What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off.”

Matthew 18:12–13

#89 That is True Love

June 6, 2020March 21, 2017 by pamamilliongodstoriescom

Photo by Lucas Wiman

One day back in November I was in a pretty sour mood for most of the day. I was having bitter feelings toward a person who really had done me no wrong. These feelings kept attacking me throughout the day because I felt hurt by the person.

I was feeling miserable by the time my campus ministry meeting started that night. The message spoke to my heart because it talked about how desperately we needed God to perform surgery on our hearts to free us from our sinful nature and habits. I went back to my dorm and felt drawn to my knees. I started to pray, “Father, show me what true forgiveness looks like.” He cut me off halfway through the word “forgiveness” and put an image in my head of Jesus on the cross. He was beaten and had blood pouring down from him. He was bruised and in great agony yet He called out, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” God told me, “This is true forgiveness.”

Then the vision in my head went back to just before Jesus was crucified. I was on the platform with Jesus; one of us was about to be set free, the other was going to the cross. I knew my sin and that I was deserving of the punishment, but in my selfishness I thought to myself, “I hope that they send Jesus to the cross, because if Jesus goes to the cross then I can be free.” Jesus looked over at me and says, “That is why I came; go and sin no more.” God said to me, “That is true love.”

With that vision I was finally able to really grasp Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. He taught me love and forgiveness in a very powerful way that left me in awe. How awesome our God is!

#79 A Passion And Joy For Heaven

June 6, 2020February 10, 2017 by pamamilliongodstoriescom

Photo by Trevor Rapp

It’s 12:50 a.m. and I can’t sleep. Tears are streaming down my face and thoughts are rushing through my head. Seventeen days ago my dad died unexpectedly. He had major health problems but he was the definition of a warrior, and death was never an option. But on a normal day, like today, he left this earth to be with Jesus.

Even now, 17 days later, it doesn’t feel real. I’ve never felt such strong emotions about anything before. I don’t know how to act and I don’t know what to think. But I want to tell you one thing—this is just the beginning of my story.

Over the past year, God was preparing me for this life-shattering moment. At the time, I had no idea. Last semester, I led a small group through a book called Through the Eyes of a Lion—a book written by a man who lost his five-year-old daughter to an asthma attack while she was helplessly lying in his arms. The author explains that pain for a believer is a microphone to those without Jesus. It’s all fun and games until you have to love Jesus even when you can’t find the strength to get out of bed in the morning. People outside of faith begin to watch you as you struggle through heartbreak, in whatever form it may take. They think, “There is no way she will still love Jesus after that.” That’s the funny part; that’s the punchline. The pain doesn’t diminish, my heart still aches, I still cry all the time—but God. But God makes it possible.

I have suffered a lot of pain, even prior to my dad’s death. I lost my 15-year-old cousin in 2012 to a freak drowning accident. I share these things not expecting a pity party, but for you to see that Jesus really does change everything. I can say that with confidence and I would share that with anyone. It is an honor to be trusted with pain, for God is near to the brokenhearted. The world will tell you that your story is over, but I promise you, this is just my second wind, and it’s going to take endurance.

Since my dad passed, God has instilled in me a passion and a joy for Heaven! Not just for myself, but for others. I do not want anyone that I come in contact with to not know or see the reflection of Jesus—because if they don’t, everything I have said is inapplicable. If you are going through pain, do not rob yourself of grieving. We are all human. But also, please do not disqualify yourself from Heaven. God lost his only Son so that you and I would have the hope of the same reunion Jesus experienced as He returned home to the Father. There is a confidence in my heart that I will see my dad again because of the Father’s promises.

#72 It Was Christ In Them

June 6, 2020January 25, 2017 by pamamilliongodstoriescom

Photo by Nicole Tarpoff

It was located in a storefront on the bustling street of the mid-sized township. Yesterday the church boldly opened its one door for free coffee and treats for the old town. And they dared to hope that love and expectant happiness might spread. Of course, the central heat died and couldn’t be fixed on time—which seemed par for the course. Everyone huddled in their coats and sipped on hot drinks.

The following day, Sunday, the people brought an assortment of small space heaters—which of course blew a few fuses. But after some fiddling with switches and outlets, the place was moderately warm. They prepared for a normal day of worship. A few treats placed lovingly, coffee made pot by pot. Two greeters stationed happily to greet the faithful—the ones who came always: the elderly with canes, single young mothers with rambling and bright children, single people, young couples. This was the day to remake Jesus as King in human souls, as the faithful and tender leader—the One deserving worship. The Hopegiver. But, though the people had planted seeds and watered them, they did not make the plant grow. That was the heart-striking excitement of it all! In through the door that day new families and singles and senior citizens streamed through the door. They were not led by any human but, you could tell, by a Spirit more invested, more compassionate, more joy-filled, more merciful than any human. It was God Himself who gathered them up. The Father who sang into their souls: “Come.” Christ Himself who went ahead and behind. The Alive One, the giver of tingling expectation, was the warmth of that gathered family—strangers and friends together.

The people scrambled to make extra coffee and find more chairs. Some had to wait to sit down to make sure the new ones had a place. In their hearts, working through love and hands, was the Holy. And joy tumbled and laughed and stood up straight with healthy pride. And it wasn’t them, it was Christ in them: the hope of glory.

#67 From A Pit Of Darkness To Glorious Life

June 6, 2020January 13, 2017 by pamamilliongodstoriescom

Photo by Erin E Photography

I had always been the good girl. The one who never went out, got good grades, and loved the Lord. When I came to college I found myself a little lost. I began partying and seeking attention from any boy that walked my way. After drunken nights and horrible mornings, I thought maybe I needed to stop doing this and go back to Jesus. I transferred schools and thought that every temptation and sin would be left behind. I got back into the party scene, and one weekend found myself drugged at a party. I woke up the next morning unclothed, unaware of where I was, and ashamed. I had been raped that night. My world came tumbling down. My heart became hard toward Jesus and I lost sight of who He really was. After months of not dealing with the pain of that night, I finally broke down. My walls crashed to the ground and on the other side was Jesus. My Savior, my Comforter, my Redeemer was there all along. He reminded me that I am loved, sought after, and clean. My brokenness led me to see Jesus in a way I never had before. At the moment of absolute despair, my Savior saved me. I was in a pit of darkness, but by His grace I was brought to glorious life.