Photo by Nicole Tarpoff
I have been a follower of Christ for almost two years. In those two years, I have undergone massive changes for the better. Two years ago, I could not dream of being happy without alcohol or without a boy’s attention. Two years ago, I was drowning in self-hatred, deep grudges, and comparison.
It was my sophomore year of college. I was living with three strangers that I didn’t get along with. I was working at a job that was draining me. I had failed two classes the past year, so my motivation was non-existent. A few nights after I became blackout drunk and threw up on my floor, I was at such a low point. I was angry, confused, and hated myself. Out of nowhere, and after five years of avoiding God, I started to talk to Him. The conversation wasn’t nice. I was mad, confused, exhausted, and I didn’t understand God. I was whisper-yelling at Him. I let everything off my chest that had weighed me down for five years, and just cried. I didn’t show any mercy or grace in that conversation.
What was amazing was how much grace God showed me. He listened to my tirade like a loving Father. As soon as I was done, He gave me a simple location to go to. It was a church-like location, and I had avoided church before. The first time, I went to the location, but I didn’t go in. The next week, God gave me the same location. I went into the building, found a random person, and asked for help. From there, I sat down and cried; I talked to three different people that night, all who showed me the same thing God showed me: Grace.
Fast-forward two years: I have given my life over to Christ, and while it was amazing, it has not been easy. I have had daily struggles and successes in following Jesus. However, the effort I have to put in is worth it. I am no longer that sad, angry person that relied on human attention and occasionally liquor to make me happy. I now find happiness in everything. I have an identity that no human can ever give me: daughter of the Most High King. I now have a foundation in a relation that will never fail me nor forsake me. I am not scared and confused; I am filled with childlike excitement to learn more. That couldn’t have happened if not for Jesus’ sacrifice and God’s patience. Each day, I am still shown grace upon grace by God. Each day, I seek a deeper relationship with Him; each day, He shows me more of what my heart and soul need. I fail daily, but He continues to be the loving Father that He was on the day I was at my lowest point. The thing that has brought me back countless times when I felt like I was too much to handle, too much of a burden for God—is grace.
A Million God Stories is a Christ-centered ministry which offers a platform for Christians from all streams of Christian faith to give praise for how God has worked in their lives. Christ heals in infinitely creative ways and we acknowledge that His way of helping may differ from person to person.
