I grew up in a divorced family and lived primarily with my mom. Although my mom kept us in church growing up, my dad was agnostic and not a believer. I was exposed to pornography early in life and this led me down a bad path, taking more of a hold when I was in high school and college. It was then that I believe it became an addiction. I met my wife my last year of college. At the time, I had so much guilt and shame about my addiction. I was the perfect Christian kid on the outside but was dying on the inside. In a way, I had abandoned my faith and what I believed, even though this is not what I wanted.
God broke through to me through the church my wife and I attended. I was invited to go to a Promise Keepers event with some men from the church. It was there that God broke through my hard heart, and the journey back to Him began. My wife had known there were some issues but she didn’t know everything. I knew I needed to have the hard talk with her. After this conversation, I got connected with a sex addiction program at the church. I attended for three years but couldn’t find consistent sobriety.
What finally broke the addiction for me was a 15-week class called Perspectives. This class wasn’t about addictions. Instead it was about missions, about God’s perspective on the world and what our mindset should be toward ministry. At the end of the class, I feared that my whole life I had been holding back from completely surrendering to God. I had been afraid that if I fully surrendered to God, He would call us away to “Far-away-astan” and this had held me back. By the end of the class I was willing to surrender and go wherever He wanted me to go. I had gained such a heart for the lost. It was at this point that the addiction went away.
Now, years later, I am convinced that anything we surrender pales in comparison to what we get of God and from God. Jim Eliot said it well.
“He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.”
― Jim Elliot
When I think back on my story and what I have learned about the nature of God, it would have to be that He is so gracious. Knowing that I grew up in the church and walked away, but He continued to pursue me and pour out grace until He brought me back. And I am so thankful that He did.
This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.”
Out of the fullness of his grace he has blessed us all, giving us one blessing after another.
A Million God Stories is a Christ-centered ministry which offers a platform for Christians from all streams of Christian faith to give praise for how God has worked in their lives. Christ heals in infinitely creative ways and we acknowledge that His way of helping may differ from person to person.