Photo by Joel Ayaji
For years, I hoped someone would finally become the mother I needed.
I grew up separated from my biological parents. That longing for family followed me into adulthood. When people came into my life whom I regarded as spiritual parents, I loved them deeply. I gave my time, prayers, resources, and loyalty because I believed I had found somewhere to belong.
Losing those relationships meant grieving more than the people themselves. I was grieving the family I had hoped we would become.
One woman I regarded as my spiritual mother told me I could not hear from God without her. Because I trusted her, those words carried weight. I had to learn that my relationship with Jesus did not depend on another person’s approval or presence.
A major turning point in my faith came on March 17, 2019.
I was driving to church when my vehicle rolled twice. The car was totaled. After approximately 24 hours in the hospital, I walked away without a broken bone.
During that same season, I lost my job, faced hospital bills, and experienced the absence of people I had expected to support me.
In a small room with my Bible, I prayed, “God, don’t leave me too. Have mercy on me.”
Those words came from a fear I knew well: being left again.
As I read Scripture and prayed, I began knowing Jesus personally. I brought Him my pain and questions. Gradually, I understood that the way someone treated me did not define His character.
People could fail to listen. They could withdraw their affection or refuse to acknowledge hurt. Their response did not determine whether God loved me.
That understanding did not make every painful relationship easy to release.
I still wanted conversations, understanding, and apologies. I wanted the people I loved to recognize how much their actions had hurt me.
Eventually, I accepted that I could not make those things happen.
Forgiveness became a decision to release bitterness while acknowledging the truth. Boundaries helped me move forward. I did not need to keep placing myself in a painful relationship to prove that I had forgiven.
Today, I am a wife and mother. Becoming a mother has given me another reason to think carefully about love, belonging, and the home I am helping build.
My experiences also inform my work as a Christian author and ministry founder. I write about faith, identity, healing, and family because these are questions I have lived.
My story continues without every relationship restored or every question answered. But I am no longer waiting for another person to give me permission to know God or to move forward.
The love I had spent years longing for became real to me through my relationship with Jesus.
I had been waiting to be someone’s daughter.
I began discovering what it meant to belong to Him.