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God's presence

God's presence

#57 Rejoice And Do Not Fear Broken Things

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Photo by Madeline Trent, Frames of Grace Photography

“Knowing you’re in the arms of the One and Only makes my heart ache a little less. We knew from the beginning that you were His, and we placed you in His loving hands. He alone knew the number of days your darling heart would beat, for He created it after all. I’ve never seen Jesus face-to-face, but I know He’s infinitely grander than I could ever imagine. He is so good, trustworthy, loving, and kind—but you already know that! One day He will wipe away the tears your daddy and I shed from having to let you go before we wanted to. I have big faith in the Jesus you see. He healed you right into glory, into His embrace.”

These words of love were penned in my journal on December 13, 2015 after experiencing a miscarriage the day before. Psalm 139:16 says, “You see all things; You saw me growing, changing in my mother’s womb; Every detail of my life was already written in Your book; You established the length of my life before I ever tasted the sweetness of it.”

With this as our starting place, it would be my joy to have your company for a few moments, to share His grace in the brokenness.

There were some concerns with this pregnancy, and my husband and I knew our option was to trust Jesus with the worries, fears, and unknowns (Prov. 3:5–6; Phil. 4:6). Because of the concerns, I got to have multiple ultrasounds that allowed me to hear that precious heartbeat! I didn’t realize in the moment the gift that truly was, until later in the week when the labor pains began and the sight of too much red indicated there was no longer a heartbeat. December 12, 2015 was an unusually different day, a day that began with death, but a day that was hemmed in—beginning to end—with His grace and mercy, since He already knew “every detail” of my life in advance. The Lord had prepared me, through His word and the wisdom of others, to step forward into a day that I didn’t want to embrace. As the reality of our loss took root, the Lord reminded me of the powerful words of Psalm 118:24, “This is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.”

Years earlier, a former Bible study teacher of mine had shared how Jesus would have said those words during the Passover meal with the disciples. If Jesus could declare those words, knowing He would be shedding red on a cross soon after saying them, then He would give us the strength to live into this day. We purposed in our hearts that the day was still worth living in and rejoicing in simply because God had created it.

Months before, that same Bible teacher had also admonished us to have the audacity “to hold tight with all your might to Romans 8:18—‘For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.’” Holding that verse closely was a soothing balm to my aching heart. Jesus knows it is scary to be us, and it was so kind of Him to have the Apostle Paul remind us that there is indeed something gorgeous in store! Also, a friend had shared with me, long before my experience with miscarriage, about a friend of hers who had lost a child at 16 weeks. Even though the loss was enormously hard, that dear woman chose gratitude. She chose to see His fingerprints of grace as she thanked the Lord for giving her that much time with her child.

As that detail of her story wedged back into my mind, I was able to see how much grace He had lavished on us as well (and I wish I could share all of it with you)! It was such a gift to be reminded to be thankful for the time God did give me with this little life. I share this story with you one year later. By the unbelievable grace of the Father, I share this story with you as another darling baby grows inside of me! I share this story with you thinking about a girl named Marie, who celebrated her birthday today in Africa (a girl we sponsor through Compassion International as a result of her sharing a birthday with our little one). I share this story with you knowing His arms of love are under me and under you.

And, do you have a moment for me to share a tad more about God’s goodness? The same month our little one would have originally been born is the exact same month that Jesus opened my womb with the gift of another life. My husband and I were stunned by the perfection of God’s timing and His sweetness to the details. As a dear woman shared with me after hearing I was pregnant, “We rejoice in the choices of our Lord! Knowing that the ones that hurt have the Healer beside of them. And the ones that bring joy have the Rejoicer beside of them! Rejoice in the Lord always! Again I say rejoice!” Ann Voskamp wrote, “Never be afraid of broken things—because Christ is redeeming everything.

And Jesus is doing that right now in my story, in our family’s story. There’s so much more I’d love to share, but by now our lattes are getting cold, and the Lord has more moments for us to separately pursue this day. While it can be scary to share a glimpse of personal pain, knowing that on a human level we have a tendency to rank and compare our pain to each other’s, I pray you leave our brief time together feeling encouraged—loving Him more and trusting Him more. “O Israel, stake your trust completely in the Eternal—from this very moment and into the vast future” (Psalm 131:3).

In the words of Elisabeth Elliot, “I am not a theologian or a scholar, but I am very aware of the fact that pain is necessary to all of us. In my own life, I think I can honestly say that out of the deepest pain has come the strongest conviction of the presence of God and the love of God.”

So, dear friend, let’s clutch our Bibles tightly, live from the truth of His promises, and love Him large through all the moments He gives us this side of eternity. You are loved beyond measure, and I can’t wait to hear your beautiful and miraculous story someday!

“May grace and peace from God our Father [and the Lord Jesus, the Anointed One] envelop you” (Col. 1:2b).

A Million God Stories is a Christ-centered ministry which offers a platform for Christians from all streams of Christian faith to give praise for how God has worked in their lives. Christ heals in infinitely creative ways and we acknowledge that His way of helping may differ from person to person.

#48 A Medley Of Human Empathy

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Photo by Nick Key Photography 

But it hit, for him, out of nowhere.

A healthy life, a wife, a little daughter, ministry, work.  God had always provided but this was nothing like the former.  It was the ordinary and unthinkable: cancer.  And over a matter of weeks a world that was common and nurturing plummeted into groggy confusion.  Normal disappeared.  It was just survival: shaking, feverish, cold.  But though life felt remote, heaven did not appear.  That escape seemed to brush reality with weightless fingers and then disappear into isolation.  For life did not remove disease and neither did disease remove life.

And that was what suffocated: the isolation.  No one could really comprehend the pain of it, the reality of being lost in lifelessness but still, oddly, alive.  Misunderstanding hit, maybe, harder than disease.  Explaining it was like trying to describe a dream where why and how and what were loosely dangling from everywhere but general comprehension.

There was also the experience of trying to fit a conversation about a life unmade but not hopeless within the tiny box called small talk.  They would ask how he was.  But the few seconds of “Hello, how are you?” weren’t enough to tell the truth and a white lie seemed conventionally non-transparent.  It caused him to feel other than himself.  It was tough to be truly honest in those situations.  You’d run the risk of sounding totally depressed on one hand or trite on the other.  And he was neither.

But there were those thousands of pieces, placed with divine intention, into life and into disease, just the same.

That was the beautiful thing.  People were influence for the heart of God, which is presence.  It was a real “with us” kind of emergence.  The un-shattering and unification of interconnected humanity.  There were tiny bits of God darting in through a reality of living compassion and kindness, each an easy passageway into rampant grace.  As each person embodied the real, the Real arose.  It was Jehovah shooting alive through lips and acts and living bodies.

Though the Father did, in the end, give health – this wasn’t the care that really struck.  A Provider was named and the name was “He Sees Me.”[1]  And his eyes were, somehow, human and many.

And, though she’d always been there, a woman emerged as rock.  She was embodying the vows of marriage even as he did – in cancer and in clarity, sickness and health.  The essential combining of the couple emerged in ways that had been, before, unseen.  The practicality – the behind the scenes of cancer – was cared for with loving kindness.  He was survivor, and she managed it all – the keeper of order, of life.  God was seen, through her dedication, as Destroyer of Chaos.

And a small girl emerged.  This was the joy!  The shining and small, curly haired toddler was his and she knew nothing other than true, glistening life.  Death and sorrow and pleasurelessness were not found within her own youth.  And so the beauty of child-like and beautiful ignorance danced to a beat different than pain and isolation.  She was a bright gift from the Immortal to temporal.  From Daddy to daddy the blessing was daughter.  And her laughter made life brilliant within the shadowed lair of cancer.  The Spirit of God glowed warm.

The impossible began to take place.  In a way, the wholeness was always there – the fragments were always together.  The pieces of kindness and understanding, laughter and practicality fit together into the shape of God.  The God who sees! The God who could be seen through created image working out his kindness.  Piece by piece the shattered leapt up and lived!  It became bright, a medley of human empathy beating out the presence of God.

[1] Genesis 16:13; El-roi

A Million God Stories is a Christ-centered ministry which offers a platform for Christians from all streams of Christian faith to give praise for how God has worked in their lives. Christ heals in infinitely creative ways and we acknowledge that His way of helping may differ from person to person.

#43 Embracing My Identity In Him

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Photo by Nicole Tarpoff 

I was always uncomfortable when someone asked for my testimony. Not because I had an intense or private story, but because I was “born going to church” and felt like I didn’t have a testimony to share. I thought my “getting saved” story was boring. But let me tell you, I eventually realized my story didn’t have to be about finding Jesus, but about when His love and grace turned my “religion” into an intense, intimate RELATIONSHIP with Him.

My titles growing up have always been: Goody-Two-Shoes, Christian Girl, The Innocent One, and Preacher’s Grandkid. I’m pretty sure I was in church as soon as my mom got over the fear of her firstborn child interacting with everyone’s germs. I was never a rebellious one and I’m quite the rule-follower, but deep within me I wanted to be known by anything other than these names. Quite ironically, being called “the Christian girl” and known as “the preacher’s granddaughter” brought me great shame for many years. I knew I was supposed to be in church, I knew my mouth and choice of words were supposed to be a fountain for His glory, and I knew He was supposed to be a permanent resident of my heart—but I hated drawing attention to the fact that I knew Jesus and that He loved me. Even more, I hated having to always live up to the higher expectations that preachers’ families are held to. On top of that, I also found my worth in what guys’ opinions were of me, what my scholastic accomplishments were, what the community of people I was surrounded by thought of me, and how many minutes I sat on the bench during a ball game. Those were labels I was trying to earn, yet forever failing to obtain them.

Throughout my years of college, I tried to push forward even when I couldn’t find the correct direction to go with my life. I didn’t want to let my family down by confessing that I no longer wanted to do what I had planned and that I was honesty clueless, because they had so much hope and expectation built up for me. For once, I wasn’t ashamed of one of my titles—I was ashamed of the lack of ability to title myself, as every college student frantically seeks to title themselves with their future career.

So… my love for travel, desire for missions, and the final attempt of secretly trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life (before everyone finally realized that I had no more of an idea than the rocks beneath my feet had for me), I ended up in Peru for a month doing a medical/dental/public health combined fellowship. I was at my lowest point spiritually and mentally. Fortunately, I was cut off from most communication due to lack of service, and after a few weeks I found myself sitting atop my host family’s roof looking down at my feet. This was my unanticipated God moment. This was when my life was radically changed and my heart was set ablaze.

My first thoughts were: “Sorry God, I have failed you. Decisions I have been making aren’t what You would want for me. Why is this so hard? I’ve believed in You my whole life and went to church even when I didn’t want to. Are you even listening to me? Why can I not be known as myself, instead of constantly being labeled by Your name, especially when it’s in an insulting way? Why can I not figure out what path You want me to go down and what You want me to be? Why do I still feel so empty and worthless?”

And I felt Him shake me and say: “Gosh, I’ve been yelling your name. Why aren’t you listening to ME? Why are you ashamed to be known as my daughter and labeled by my name? You keep telling yourself that you can’t admit to others your struggles and that you can’t find direction in life, because you don’t want to be labeled as a failure. So you kept walking your same path. FINALLY, you’ve finally admitted to me, your Father, the one who is NEVER disappointed in you, that you are lost in more ways than one. You’ve refused to walk through the door every time I’ve put the life path I have for you right in front of your face, but you’re about to walk through it because I’ve finally got you in this moment of surrender and you can’t ignore my call now. Aren’t you finding pure joy serving during your dentistry days in Peru? Joy can only be found in Me, and I’m trying to get you to see that My mission for your life is dentistry. This is how I want you to serve My kingdom, so go ahead and slap on your earthly label of ‘dentist.’ And why are you always running from Me? You know that only makes Me chase you faster and harder. Stop making all these decisions that you know I wouldn’t choose for you, and stop trying to find your worth in earthly things and earthly people. You know that only I hold your value—and you are far more precious than rubies or gold. Come to Me, My child, come closer. I’m re-igniting your flame. There is no shame in Me, the Lord. You are not a “Christian” girl…for Christianity is not a religion—it’s a state of being like Me (Christ). This is not a religion; this is a relationship…for you are My daughter… My daughters and sons are My most prized possessions. You have known My name and of My works your entire life, but you have not known Me as the person of Christ that I am, as I desire to be known.”

After a few minutes, I looked up at the vast mountains that encircled me in all directions. The scripture reading (Psalm 121:1–2) at the beginning of the song “Shoulders” had been stuck in my head for many preceding months, and in this moment it replayed again and immediately gave me chills: “I look up to the mountains. Does my strength come from the mountains? No; my strength comes from God. The one who made heaven and earth, and the mountains” (For King & Country). I realized…He created the earth upon which I am sitting. He created the heavens that provide eternal refuge and healing from the corruption we face in our current days. He created the mountains, upon which He has come to encounter many of His followers in the Bible (and I believe He is encountering me on one now), and of which can be moved with the faith of a mustard seed. And, among all of His creations, He delicately, lovingly created me, like a masterpiece from a ball of clay in His hands. Everything is His creation, for everything is His and should be labeled as so. Including me.

We serve a loving, never-forsaking, steadfast, faithful God. Once we realize all that He is, all that He has created us to be, and the loving relationship He has intended for us to be in, we can find peace, passion, purpose, our life’s path, and our true, shameless titles. In that moment I realized that I, a follower of Christ, shouldn’t be labeled by anything other than something that honors Him.That identity in Him is NEVER shameful, even when today’s society places shame on us.I began to love my labels and even add a few more to myself, based on the identity of who He truly is and who He says I am. Even more, I realized that through Him we are all held to an even higher standard than any society could ever hold a preacher’s family to. Despite stumbling blocks and a human’s sinful nature, I’m trying to challenge myself to that standard daily.

My new titles are: Disciple of Christ, Ransomed, Forgiven, Follower, Servant of the Kingdom, Vessel, Soldier, Daughter of the One True King, and Future Dentist. And I’m proud of them.

A Million God Stories is a Christ-centered ministry which offers a platform for Christians from all streams of Christian faith to give praise for how God has worked in their lives. Christ heals in infinitely creative ways and we acknowledge that His way of helping may differ from person to person.

#42 Standing In The Place Of Light

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Photo by Shining Light Photography

It was December of 2011 and I was a single mom with a high stress job and multiple chronic health issues. It was the week after Christmas and I was mentally and physically exhausted. I had a rare opportunity to be alone for the night at a cabin on the lake. No phones, no television, no Internet, no responsibilities. I wanted to be alone—alone with God. My life was not healthy. I was anxious and overwhelmed. Life was just too busy, too hard, too stressful. I knew that I needed a change but I didn’t know what or how. I needed God’s help.

I arrived in the afternoon and built a fire. I read parts of several books, including the Bible, and spent time praying for God’s guidance. At dusk, I went outside and stood by the lake near the dock. The sun had nearly set but there was a line of bleeding orange in the sky to the right of the dock. That was west; I took note of the location and went back inside.

The next morning I woke early as planned. It was still dark. I dressed warmly and left the comfort of the warm cabin for the promise of a sunrise over the lake. I walked down to the dock and stood near the railing to the left. I reasoned if the sun set to the right last night, then the sun would rise to the left, the east. I stood on the dock facing east for a long time, listening to the birds, and expectantly waiting for the first glimmer of light. I prayed that God would reveal His will for my life. I longed to feel God’s presence and hope. The water lapped against the shoreline and still I waited. There was no sign of daybreak. Silence. “I am looking for you, Lord,” I prayed.

I felt that if I could experience God’s glorious sunrise and be flooded with that first light, that somehow I would be reassured and feel hope. But there was no sign of the sun, only a light gray band under the dark gray sky. I thought perhaps the dawn would be this way—gray with no color, a black sky fading into a white sky. I began to lose hope. The wind had gotten colder coming off the water and I walked back to the cabin to start coffee. As the coffee perked, I stayed inside, my face pressed against the sliding glass door, still watching the sky. A bit of color appeared—a lavender ribbon separating the layers of light gray. And then much further to the east an orange light blazed through the shadows of the tree branches in the distance.

I knew the beauty would come and go quickly. My gaze was steadfast as the light became brighter, and the eastern sky filled with brilliant hues of pinks, purples, yellows, and orange. The lake began to glisten under the light, and then the most interesting thing happened. A solitary ray of light illuminated the inky water. It was a most distinct ray of light that began from the sunrise and traced a straight course across the lake to the very spot on the dock where I had stood nearly an hour ago, searching into the darkness for the sunrise and God.

I quickly walked down to the dock and stood in the place of light. The experience was so beautiful. It was as if God Himself were revealing His presence and glory to me. Though my question about how or what to change in my life had not been answered that day, one thing was sure: I had a renewed sense of hope and peace. I knew that God was with me and that He would show me the path for a healthier life. And He did.

A Million God Stories is a Christ-centered ministry which offers a platform for Christians from all streams of Christian faith to give praise for how God has worked in their lives. Christ heals in infinitely creative ways and we acknowledge that His way of helping may differ from person to person.

#27 Finding Fulfillment In Him Alone

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 Photo by Killian Rose Photography

Over the years I’ve experienced God through the realization of answered prayers. At times I’ve felt His goodness when it was a “yes,” while other times my faith and trust in God were tested when His answer didn’t align with my own plan or desires. Sometimes, though, my favorite “God moments” have been when God really shows up. In these times, His presence is made known in such a way that it leaves me breathless, in awe, and shall I say, almost a little freaked out? These experiences are always such powerful reminders to me that my heavenly Father loves me and He hears me.

This past fall after my serious boyfriend and I broke up, I was left completely brokenhearted. I cried out to God in pain, anger, and desperation, asking Him why, and where was He. I was disappointed, confused, and not understanding God’s plan. In tears one night I decided to pull out my devotional book. It had been awhile since I had read it, but I was feeling the need for some encouragement, and honestly it felt easier to me at the time than spending time in deep prayer.  In that moment, God showed up in the way that only our faithful God can. The words leapt off the page and I knew He was there, that He had been there all along, and that He heard me. 

The words in Sarah Young’s  Jesus Calling read:

“Come to me when you are hurting, and I will soothe your pain. Come to me when you are joyful and I will share your Joy, multiplying it many times over. I am all you need, just when you need it. Your deepest desires find fulfillment in Me alone. True confidence comes from knowing you are complete in My Presence. Everything you need has its counterpart in Me.”

There I sat, sobbing and speechless. He knew in that moment it was exactly what I needed, and for that I was so grateful.

A Million God Stories is a Christ-centered ministry which offers a platform for Christians from all streams of Christian faith to give praise for how God has worked in their lives. Christ heals in infinitely creative ways and we acknowledge that His way of helping may differ from person to person.

#24 God Never Gave Up On Me

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Photo by Erin E. Photography

I grew up in the Bible Belt in a dry town in Appalachia. My parents never drank and I lived a pretty sheltered life. I’m very grateful for the foundation my parents provided and the church we attended, where there was a passionate love for the Lord. I knew who God was and I knew what Christ did, but there was not much emphasis on a relationship with God. Instead, God was to be feared, just waiting to punish me.

That lack of relationship made me more vulnerable when I moved away to college where the university motto was “question everything,” and there were lots of opportunities to get in trouble. When I started, I didn’t have one friend. I joined a fraternity but didn’t really fit in. I drank a lot and there was a lot of promiscuous behavior. I lost sight of what I knew was right. I didn’t go to church and my spiritual life seriously declined. My prayers became a list of wants and needs, no gratitude. I prayed from a place of entitlement, where there were no “thank yous” but lots of “why me?”

But God did not abandon me. When I graduated, I moved in with three guys: an atheist, an agnostic, and the other, I just don’t know. I got a job and one of the guys I worked with had a resounding joy… in fact, I thought it couldn’t be real. He was being sued and had recently suffered serious problems but he was still so joyful. I didn’t understand it.

He tried to get me to go to church with him time and time and again. Finally, I agreed—mostly because I thought it would help my chances with the girl I liked. Wrong motives, but God made good of it. This was a different kind of church; the preacher’s messages really resonated with me and there was a real emphasis on our individual relationships with Christ.

So, I joined a small group at church and became great friends with the leader. He eventually started these dinners on Thursday nights where there are now about 80-100 people in attendance on any given night. My Christian community went from one person to a huge community of light. In this community, I experienced the grace and love of Jesus. I then became involved with a ministry to help inner city children. This has made a huge difference in my perspective and taken my relationship with God much deeper. In working with these children, I have experienced God’s presence in a way that I never had. Before, I always felt like I had to do something for God in order to earn His love. Now I have a relationship with a God that doesn’t want to slap me on the wrist, but with a Father that just wants to spend time with me.

God intervened for me. I truly believe that God put that joyful guy at work in my life to begin turning me around. He didn’t work there long and really had no real reason to be there. God put my small group leader in my life and gave me a community of light. He led me to a group of children that allowed me to experience true joy and taught me how to be generous, grateful, and humble. He used these kids to show me that there is never anything I can do to earn His approval, praise and His love. The fact that I am His son is enough. God never gave up on me. After four years of wandering in a wasteland I came away with nothing, but by God’s grace I was led to another place. A place overflowing with hope. To God be the glory for all He has done for me.

A Million God Stories is a Christ-centered ministry which offers a platform for Christians from all streams of Christian faith to give praise for how God has worked in their lives. Christ heals in infinitely creative ways and we acknowledge that His way of helping may differ from person to person.

#6. Saturated With The Glory Of God

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Photo by Nicole Tarpoff

 I went to Cuba to minister in a number of house churches in 2004. On the eastern side of Havana, there are hundreds of tenement housing projects that were built in the 1950s to house Soviet Army barracks.  Now, literally thousands of people live in each building—and the buildings stretch one after another after another for miles and miles.  During the last morning that I was teaching, my interpreter didn’t show up. I don’t speak any Spanish and they didn’t speak any English. It was really awkward, being crammed into a small sitting room with about 40 people just staring at me, waiting for me to do something.

As I sat there looking at them, and as they sat there looking at me, I felt like the Holy Spirit engaged me in what became a running conversation. I seem to get in these talks often with the Lord, especially when I muster the audacity to kind of argue with Him:

“Sing.”  The Lord told me very distinctly.

“I don’t sing, Lord.”  Like He didn’t know that already!

He said it again, “Sing.”

“I don’t speak Spanish.”  Like He didn’t know already.

For the final time, He said, “Sing.”

“Sing what?”

“’Nothing but the Blood.’”

If you’ve ever been around me during any worship times, you’d know that I have a singing voice that only the Father could love! Ironically though, the Lord used me as the worship leader in a couple different congregations that I pastored when I was a missionary in the Philippines. He’s not really looking for technically proficient singers—just people who worship Him with whole hearts. 

Anyway, back to Cuba. In that small sitting room on that day in 2004, I opened my mouth and began to let it rip. I know this may sound cliché, but suddenly, it was as if Jesus opened the door and walked in the room. When I started singing, I felt like a big bottle of Coke: someone took the cap off and God came rushing out. The whole atmosphere became super-charged with the presence of the Lord. The air in the room began to feel so heavy that when I tried to lift my hands to Him in worship and adoration, I couldn’t even raise them above my head. After a few minutes, my feet couldn’t support me any longer because the spiritual climate of the room was saturated with the glory of God. I had the sensation that if I could just raise my hands above my head, then I could poke through the ceiling and all of heaven might fall down! 

People began to pray and sing in the Spirit, in Spanish, and even in English. I started gently laying hands on almost everyone present just to bless and encourage them—and men, women, and kids began to fall out all over the place. The power of the Holy Ghost was so pronounced that one guy even hit his head really hard against the wall on his way down, and I remember thinking, “God, this better be you…because if it’s not, that dude is gonna be in pain.” 

It was the most intense, power-packed renewal that I had ever experienced. Maybe the Lord wants these kinds of encounters to be normal? At any rate, this environment continued on for maybe 20 minutes until finally another interpreter arrived. Everyone kind of regained their composure, including me, and I began to minister through some of the material that the Lord had given me. As I’ve said about my singing, I’m not the greatest preacher on the planet, either. Yet that morning, as I stood there and simply talked about Mary the sister of Martha and Lazarus, people just wept and wept and wept. The floodgates were open. I talked about her posture—how every time she appears in the gospels, she’s always at the feet of Jesus.

The church couldn’t get enough. Jesus was in the room in the many-membered Body of Christ—singing, laughing, weeping, loving. His power and glory were on display in our midst in the most concrete, tangible way.  May it ever be so Lord!

A Million God Stories is a Christ-centered ministry which offers a platform for Christians from all streams of Christian faith to give praise for how God has worked in their lives. Christ heals in infinitely creative ways and we acknowledge that His way of helping may differ from person to person.

#2 Encountering A God Who Saves

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I was raised the son of a Nazarene evangelist. My childhood was spent going from one church camp and revival to the next, all across the United States. The Jesus that my father portrayed behind closed doors was something I didn’t want anything to do with. 

When I was 13 years old, my dad continued to travel and preach, but I stayed home more and began getting involved with rough crowds, smoking and drinking. In my teens, I began smoking marijuana and taking pills, LSD, and cocaine—you name it. Eventually, in my late teens and early twenties, I became a crystal meth addict. This went on for five years; all the while, I was playing in and out of bands. I was vehemently against Christianity; if someone even mentioned Jesus to me, I would cuss them out.

My sister and brother-in-law were praying for me during this time. They gave me a copy of The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel. It was a miracle that I even accepted the book. But I did, and one night I found myself reading it in bed at 3:00 a.m, with a joint burning in the ashtray beside me. But it really wasn’t the book, as much as it was what happened while I was reading the book. The manifest presence of God entered the room—and by “manifest,” I mean that His presence was palpable. I KNEW GOD WAS THERE. Basically, He said, “I am real. Now, what are you going to do about it?”

I then had a non-verbal conversation with God, saying something like, “I know you are real but how do I let go of this empire of garbage that I have built around my life? I want to but I don’t think I can do it.”

In a thought more powerful than words, the Lord said, “You don’t have to; I will.” God knew that because of the way I was brought up, if He revealed Himself to me in church, I might feel manipulated. He approached me in a way where there was no denying that it was Him. In that moment, I gave my life to Christ and stopped selling and doing drugs, and never returned to that world again.

My girlfriend gave her life to Christ a couple of weeks later. We were engaged and eventually married. My relationship with my father was restored and he baptized my wife and I. About a year later, I was hired as a worship leader. That was 15 years ago, and I have been a worship leader ever since. The Lord is still writing my story and I am constantly in awe of His goodness!

Today, I am a worship leader and songwriter for Iron Bell Music in partnership with Essential Worship and Provident Label Group, which is the Christian arm for Sony Music. We just released our first national single, “God that Saves,” which I wrote from my own story of encountering the God that saves. My goal is not fame, but rather to make Him known—to make Him famous through the gifts and the testimony that He has given me.

A Million God Stories is a Christ-centered ministry which offers a platform for Christians from all streams of Christian faith to give praise for how God has worked in their lives. Christ heals in infinitely creative ways and we acknowledge that His way of helping may differ from person to person.

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Mailing Address: PO Box 368  Lexington, KY 40588-0368

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