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#98 Four Hours Alone with God

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 Photo by Laura Wilkerson Photography

I was 23 years old and I had “known” God my whole life but I hadn’t really committed or surrendered my life to Him. I went on a prayer retreat with 20 guys at Land Between the Lakes. My pastor told us to go out for four hours and pray by ourselves. I was thinking to myself, “What am I going to do for four hours? How am I going to pray for that long?” For the first hour I was just trying to get into prayer and trying to get the distractions of the world out of my head. I was still thinking about what I needed to do at home and all the things I could be doing. I was trying to break away from the world, but I was just in my head. I spent the second hour just feeling a little conflicted. I was both embarrassed and convicted that I had been thinking about myself and my life only for the past hour. I hadn’t been thinking about anyone else; I was just thinking about me. Then, in the third hour, I walked to the water and began to pray. During this time, God moved in a powerful way and gave me a Bible verse, 1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” When I thought about this verse, I realized that anxiety had been killing me.

This verse resonated with me so much because there are no other verses in the Bible that directly say, “He cares for you.” I remember saying it out loud over and over. I was walking around the lake yelling that verse—shouting it! After saying it several times, the verse changed to something much more personal. I could hear in my spirit God saying to me, “Matthew, cast your anxiety on me because I care for you right now, because I love you right now.” I began to really understand all these different attributes of God—that He loved me and cared about me.

I began to walk around the lake taking in the beauty of everything. I was looking at the lake and suddenly realized that there were so many waves in the water. There was no wind and no reason that the water should’ve been so rough and restless. As I watched the waves, I thought to myself, “That restless water is like my spirit.” I saw that there was a rock by the water that never got covered by the waves coming in and out. It should’ve been covered, but somehow it was the only rock that wasn’t getting wet or getting swept away. Finally, a wave came and water covered the rock. At that moment, I knew I needed to be baptized. I wanted to be covered in water just like that rock, so I ran to my pastor and told him I wanted to get baptized.

 

The other guys on the trip gathered around me and prayed for me and I felt the overwhelming presence to bow down before the Lord and pray. After we prayed, we ate lunch and all went down to the shoreline and I was baptized at the lake. It was the perfect moment.

A few hours later we had dinner by the lake where I was baptized. I felt such a peace in that time, and there are two events that happened then that I will always cherish. One man said to me, “It was great having those six guys praying over you.” When he said that, the only thing on my mind was that I had felt seven hands when they were praying over me. I had six guys huddled around me and I could feel everyone’s hands on me, but ten to fifteen seconds into the prayer, a hand came from nowhere on my back—a hand that was so powerful and strong. It was warm and firm, yet soft and tender at the same time. And the placement of the hand was right in the center of my back. I honestly believe that extra hand I felt was the hand of God.

The second thing that happened that I will cherish forever is looking out at the lake and seeing that the once restless lake full of choppy waves was now the stillest, most peaceful lake I have ever seen. I felt like the stillness of the lake reflected my renewed and peaceful spirit after being baptized. I kept thinking, “God, I love you.” From that moment, I have been dedicating every day of my life to Him.

A Million God Stories is a Christ-centered ministry which offers a platform for Christians from all streams of Christian faith to give praise for how God has worked in their lives. Christ heals in infinitely creative ways and we acknowledge that His way of helping may differ from person to person.

#97 Never too Old

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Photo by Erin E. Photography

I grew up in the ’60s and ’70s, raised by Christian parents and regularly attending church. I accepted the faith of my parents and was baptized in middle school. As an adult, I needed to know more. I needed to make my faith my own. I wanted to learn as much as possible about God, Jesus, and the Bible. I had many questions..

Over the years, I’m sure I wore out many pastors with my questions. I read lots of books on Christianity and apologetics and read the Bible nearly every night for over three decades. Over and over I prayed for wisdom and understanding—and for someone to help me deeply study the Bible.

I was diligently seeking God and God sent someone to help me.  I had a new job working at a nursing home.  One of the residents, an older gentleman, was often in his wheelchair sitting in the hallways reading his Bible. From time to time I would stop to talk with him about the Bible. He was articulate and intelligent and his blue eyes sparkled when he talked about the Scriptures.  I can’t remember whose idea it was, but he started a Bible study. I was the only one who came. Every Wednesday evening at the nursing home, I was his only student. He was disappointed that it was just me, but said that I wanted to learn so badly he just had to teach me.

Each session, I sat across from him in his room with the rolling hospital dinner tray table between us, and his well worn New Jerusalem Bible laid open for the teaching, and my NIV Student Bible, taped together on the binding, right beside it. Covering nearly all the white space in his Bible were his own personal notes, as neat as if typewritten and nearly as small. I had never seen anything like it. Each week he prepared a lesson plan of what we were to cover, with Scripture verses  on small slips of white paper, handwritten in the same tiny script as in his Bible.

I found out that he attended seminary in the 1940s and 1950s and taught literature at a university, including a study of Psalms—my favorite book of the Bible. What unfolded in the next year during our Bible study was remarkable. He taught me historical perspective and context, drawing Bible maps and timelines. He explained the Hebrew and Greek meaning of biblical words and why that mattered. He related passages in the New Testament back to passages in the Old Testament, revealing new insights. He explained unsettling discrepancies. He used the Socratic method to teach me, asking me many, many questions.

At times it was exhausting, but he forced me to think more deeply than I ever had about the Holy Scriptures. He even had me write a  paper based on my answer to the question Jesus asked of  His disciples in John 1:38: “What are you seeking?” We completed a study of Mark and then John, but as we began Psalms, he was too sick to continue. Instead he asked me to read to him from the Psalms. I read to him Psalms of God’s love, goodness, and forgiveness, and of praise for God’s creation. When I finished, he could barely talk but his brief points were clear: Notice God. Thank God. Love God.

My friend is gone now but I will always remember the lessons God revealed to me through him—profound lessons and simple ones. I had asked God to send someone to help me learn and understand, someone to help me deeply study the Bible and God responded with an unexpected but incredible answer!  I am so grateful for what God taught me through my friend. God loves us. God sees us and knows what we need, when we need it and how we need it delivered. Praise God for his personal way with each of us!

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God and he will give it to you. James 1:5

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

#96 God’s Strength in the Ocean

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 Photo by Chelsea Jo Photography

Several years ago I had a massive heart attack while I was on vacation in Mexico. I nearly died before they could get me back to the United States for treatment. Because of the delay in my care, there was much damage to my heart.  

My wife and I hadn’t been on a vacation for years since that trip to Mexico. Just recently we decided to go on a cruise to the Caribbean. I was anxious about the trip because of what happened last time in Mexico. A friend prayed for me before we went—specifically that God would show me in the first part of the trip that He was with us. My friend prayed that God would make it known to me that He was there with me and that God would show me in a way that was very clear to me. 

We left for our cruise and our first stop was in the British Virgin Islands. We got off the cruise ship and went to a small island, Baths. We walked to the beach and put our stuff down on the sand. I turned around and saw two people swimming pretty far out in the ocean. I told my wife that I was going to go out to where the people were and for her to stay in the shallow end. I got in the water and started leisurely swimming out toward the two people in the ocean. As I got closer, I noticed the fear in the woman’s eyes and I could see the man was up against the woman. 

I swam closer and heard her yell, “Help! Help!” 

I said, “Is he sick?” 

The woman said, “No, we are drowning!” 

The man was almost underwater and she had her hand twisted in his shirt, trying to hold him up.

I told her to hang on to him. I got her by the wrist and took off swimming toward the beach, pulling both of them. As we got close to the shore, another man came into the ocean to help pull us in. Once we were back on shore, the man was recovering; I was recovering myself, as I was exhausted from the swim.

The woman asked me where I was from. I told her I was from Kentucky. She couldn’t believe it. She said, “You aren’t even from around the ocean?! We live in Daytona Beach and we are in the ocean all the time, but we have never been in that kind of trouble before.” 

There is no way that I could have pulled that man and woman from that far out in the ocean on my own. My heart is not strong because much of my heart muscle was destroyed in my previous heart attack. I also have a pacemaker and defibrillator. God sent me out there and God pulled us right back in, saving those two people. I believe this is how God answered my friend’s prayer. God showed us that He was with us. There was no doubt about that. The rest of our vacation was wonderful. 

This is just one of many stories I could share about God’s faithfulness and goodness to us. I have seen the Lord work in wonderful ways in my life and the life of my family. 

Let all that I am praise the Lord;

may I never forget the good things he does for me. 

Psalm 103:2

A Million God Stories is a Christ-centered ministry which offers a platform for Christians from all streams of Christian faith to give praise for how God has worked in their lives. Christ heals in infinitely creative ways and we acknowledge that His way of helping may differ from person to person.

#95 Abundant Grace

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Photo by Ashley Brown, Shining Light Photography

I grew up in a white-collar home with two loving parents, but we weren’t what you would call a “Christian” family. We began attending church when I was a pre-teen, but it was just a Sunday thing—nothing more. I was a good student and a well-behaved kid, so everyone was surprised when I eloped with my older boyfriend at age 16. It was rocky from the start—as any teenage marriage would be. He wasn’t faithful, and over the two-year period we were married, he left many times. By the age of 19, I was a single mom, working two jobs to make ends meet and staring at a stack of unpaid bills. 

One night, I went to a club with some friends to hear a local band. This particular club had girls dancing from 5–9 p.m., before the band came on. One of them struck up a conversation and, by the end of the night, she had convinced me to come back and audition for a job. I worked in the “adult entertainment” industry in two different clubs for a couple of years. There was nothing glamorous or positive about it. I felt degraded, abused and alone; and had to get high to even face getting on stage.

After two years of what felt like hell on earth, I applied for a grant to go to beauty school. I was one of the lucky ones—it’s very hard to get out of the industry once you’ve stepped into it. I worked my way through school and the day I graduated, I left the clubs for good. I worked in a local salon for several years, then married and attended UK. Later work experience included advertising, public relations, community development, and outreach at a local church. A true hodge-podge of jobs, but now it’s amazing to look back and see how God used all those different work experiences to prepare me for what I’m doing now.

In 2000, I had a conversation with my daughter and a friend about reaching out to women in the “adult entertainment” clubs. We brainstormed with my son, who was a bouncer in one of the clubs, for ideas on what would be the best way to help the ladies. He wasn’t a Christian, but he truly appreciated the “good things” he saw our church doing—mission work and outreach to special needs families. He said, “Bring food. Nobody eats well here—they always eat fast food.” None of us knew how to cook, so we asked our friends and soon we had a team of women providing food, and a few good friends with a heart to go into the clubs with us.

Weekly visits to the clubs allow us to develop true relationships. We are very respectful to everyone—providing love, food, and other resources, without judgment, to all of our new friends. When people ask us, “Why are you bringing food to us?” we let them know that God loves us and we love them, and just want to help. Women respond because they know we care. 

In 2011, we felt God calling us to do more, so we began praying, and we prayed for a solid year. January 1, 2012, one of the women we’d served in the clubs was murdered. She’d moved from the clubs to online escorting and street prostitution. The phone call about her death solidified our next step. We met with the police to see how we could best help women working on the street. Before the day was over, the police had already referred a woman to us who needed help. 

Since that time, the ministry has continued to evolve. 

We still deliver to the clubs every week and have developed strong relationships with our friends there—allowing us to help them with community resources and other appropriate assistance.  

The street ministry has grown to include a drop-in center downtown. Women from several churches have transformed a former crack house into a beautiful refuge for at-risk women who receive delicious food, clothing, toiletries, referrals to social service and community resources, and life skills classes. We are often blessed to celebrate birthdays, baby showers, and other special events. Most of the women we serve are homeless, so they often take advantage of our living room to rest throughout the day. And when a woman is ready to make significant life change, we assist with referrals to detox and recovery programs. 

All of the women we work with—whether in the clubs or on the street—have experienced trauma of some kind: childhood sexual abuse, rape, physical abuse, trafficking. We’ve seen God at work—miracles of change in women’s lives. We see women getting sober, reuniting with families, and becoming stable and productive. Four weeks ago, one of the first women we met in the clubs in 2000 was baptized—we’d been praying for her for 17 years! 

When I think about my own story and the nature of God, the one word that comes to mind is GRACE. Because I experienced God’s grace the way I did—so undeservedly, so abundantly—it’s pretty easy to extend grace to others. God took every mistake, every wrong turn I made, and used it for good! 

The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

A Million God Stories is a Christ-centered ministry which offers a platform for Christians from all streams of Christian faith to give praise for how God has worked in their lives. Christ heals in infinitely creative ways and we acknowledge that His way of helping may differ from person to person.

#94 Unstoppable Power of Prayer

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 Photo by Ashley Brown, Shining Light Photography

My testimony is from a time when I was 16 years old and I’d had my driver’s license for about two months. It was December 26, 2007 and I was going to pick up the girl I was dating at the time for a Christmas dinner at my house. The drive should have only been about 15–20 minutes, but after 30 minutes my mom called to see if we were headed back yet. She couldn’t reach me so she called my girlfriend, who told her that I had not gotten there yet. 

They immediately knew something was wrong, so my brother instructed my girlfriend and her grandfather to go looking on a route he knew I would not have taken, and he went the way he knew I would have taken. Sure enough, about five miles up the road, my brother came upon my mom’s car upside down in a pasture field, with me being loaded into a helicopter in a corn field on the opposite side of the road. My wallet and phone were lost in the wreck, so at that point I was a John Doe—my brother had to tell them who I was. They did not expect me to even make it to the hospital alive. 

I was told later how the accident happened. I went off the road on the right side, just before a sharp turn to the left. I overcorrected the car, went across the road, and hit a culvert that ran underneath the road in that turn. The car was actually going backwards as it hit the ditch and I was ejected nearly 100 feet out the back window. 

From this point on is where God shows Himself in this story. I lived in a small town where cops were virtually nonexistent. Not that they weren’t around, but we never saw a cop on the road. Well, it just so happened that a police officer was traveling down the road just moments after my accident. He immediately radioed in for a helicopter, knowing that an ambulance would not be adequate. The local rescue teams were rushed out to try to maintain stability until the copter arrived. Once I was in the helicopter, they put me in a medically-induced coma that was only meant to last a couple days, at the longest, and my brother led the officer to our house to break the news to Mom. 

I was flown to Deaconess Hospital in Evansville, Indiana, where I spent two weeks in ICU. I had fractured a vertebra, fractured my pelvis, broke some ribs, broke my collarbone, and had a severe TBI (traumatic brain injury). Most importantly, though, I was still alive. The night of the accident, when I was flown to the hospital, I believe word traveled so fast in that town that some of my friends and family may have beaten me to that hospital. My friends, family, and church family filled that hospital floor to the point where no one else could even think about coming in. They were all lifting me up in prayer, and that is the reason why I am still here today and can tell you this story. I was put on prayer chains all across this nation and even in other countries. 

From ICU at Deaconess, I was moved to a rehab hospital in Evansville. At this point, however, I was still in a coma, which I stayed in for three more weeks at Healthsouth. When I finally started to regain consciousness, I began therapy to “re-learn” everything again from eating and talking to bathing and walking. Therapy lasted about six to seven months in total, and I am more than thankful for the recovery God has given me. I have learned that so many people that have gone through what I went through are left unable to talk, walk, eat, or function independently. I would like to think that the average person who meets me today would never even be able to guess what I went through. 

I do not remember how the wreck happened or even leaving the house or what happened the seven hours before I left the house that day. I do know that God was with me and He wrapped His arms around me that entire time, and that prayer is a powerful machine that can move mountains. I hope my testimony allows everyone who reads it to see the power in prayer and the unstoppable force of our Almighty God when we call upon His name. I hope this story gives you hope and perseverance in whatever you are going through today so that you are able to come out a stronger person more reliant on God. 

A couple verses I would like to share with you that really kept my family and me strong throughout this whole time are Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go,” and Jeremiah 29:11 “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”

A Million God Stories is a Christ-centered ministry which offers a platform for Christians from all streams of Christian faith to give praise for how God has worked in their lives. Christ heals in infinitely creative ways and we acknowledge that His way of helping may differ from person to person.

#93 Simple Confirmation

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 Photo by Lucas Wiman

There was a time in college when I prayed that if God was really personal and active in the world, that He would speak to me. I did this every day for two weeks. Every time I prayed, it felt like He said, “I love you.” I wasn’t impressed or convinced it was God. I thought I was making up those thoughts on my own. 

One day, after about two weeks of this happening every day, a man stopped me on my way to class. I don’t even remember his name; we didn’t really know each other. He asked if he could pray for me. I said sure. He put his hand on my shoulder and said, “God, I thank you that you speak to Austin, even if it’s something as simple and profound as to tell him You love him.” 

He walked away without confirmation that his prayer was profound. He probably thought what he prayed was as generic and unimportant as what I thought I was hearing over the past couple weeks. But, as he walked away, I stood with my mouth open, completely astonished. 

That experience created a snowball effect in my life of allowing God to speak. It eliminated a lot of doubt in my heart and mind.

A Million God Stories is a Christ-centered ministry which offers a platform for Christians from all streams of Christian faith to give praise for how God has worked in their lives. Christ heals in infinitely creative ways and we acknowledge that His way of helping may differ from person to person.

#92 A Life of Kindness

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 Photo by Erin E. Photography

This is my friend Joanie. She carries the kindness of God with such depth that one encounter with her will leave you changed. When I was about 10 years old, Joanie came into my life as a friend of my mom. Their friendship is a story for another day. For the first few years of their friendship, I would see Joanie periodically, but I did not know her well. Joanie was a single mom of four children, a student at Asbury, and had a full-time job. As you can imagine, she was a busy woman. But, she was never too busy. Never too busy to love. Never to busy serve. Never too busy for an encounter with God or His people.

When I was around 12, there was a day that I stayed home from school because of strep throat. This is certainly very common, and not something that I would expect anyone to think twice about. This particular case of strep throat taught me an important lesson about caring for others. Joanie showed up at our door that day with tea and limes and honey, a Haitian remedy for a sore throat. The way that she served me that day made me feel so cared for, even though I really didn’t believe my little case of strep throat was worth stopping for.

Fast forward a few years. I am 20, and I am sitting across the breakfast table from Joanie, chatting about life. I ask her to tell me a story, and she begins to tell me about a young girl named Holly. When Joanie was around 12, living in Haiti where she grew up, a young girl named Holly captured her attention. Holly was younger than Joanie, and was always dirty with torn clothes. Over the years, Joanie and Holly began to talk, and Joanie decided to start sharing her food with Holly. Joanie didn’t have much, but she did have a mom and a dad and she felt privileged. Holly had no mom and no dad, but she did have plenty of chores and responsibilities. Joanie thought it was too much for a young girl, and she continued to give her food or spare coins whenever she could. In Joanie’s words, “It’s just what you do. You have food and you share.” Eventually, Joanie went to college and got married and moved on. She didn’t see Holly again. Many years later, Joanie had moved to America and was at a thrift store in Florida. Another woman in the store recognized Joanie and asked if she knew her. It was Holly! It was only after they exchanged numbers and talked on the phone that Joanie realized who it was, and began to remember how she had helped her back in Haiti. Holly had found a way to the United States and to college! All these years, Holly had thought of Joanie as someone she couldn’t have made it without. Joanie was so moved by seeing Holly and hearing how her life had turned out. She couldn’t believe that her kindness to her so many years ago had such an impact! In her words, seeing Holly “reminded me of my real story. It was a teaching moment. That’s how God works, people to people.”

As I sit across the table listening to Joanie tell of this story, I can’t help but think of my own story about Joanie bringing me tea. I ask her if she remembers it. She doesn’t really. I am like Holly. Joanie’s kindness to me burns in my memory and continues to inspire me. But to Joanie, these moments are just her life. According to her, it’s just what you do.

“Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ.” Ephesians 5:2

A Million God Stories is a Christ-centered ministry which offers a platform for Christians from all streams of Christian faith to give praise for how God has worked in their lives. Christ heals in infinitely creative ways and we acknowledge that His way of helping may differ from person to person.

#91 God Shaped Hole

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 Photo by Erin E Photography

I met my ex-husband right out of high school. At the time, I believed in Jesus and that He died for our sins, but it was more of an “as-needed” thing. God was in a closet and I brought Him out when I needed Him. My ex-husband was into drugs and alcohol when I met him and I became consumed in that lifestyle with him. He made it clear that he had no faith, and to win his affection I made the decision to agree with him in that. I definitely felt it was important to be a good person and respect other people’s beliefs, but my attitude toward God was, “That works for some people but I don’t need that.” 

I lived with him for about a year before I got pregnant. I knew that from the beginning he had an issue with not being able to be faithful to me. This had been a big problem for me, and when I found out I was pregnant I said, “If you are going to continue to live this way, I can’t do this. Are you willing to do this with me and only me? If not, this needs to end now.”

He decided to stick together and even though he had broken my trust over and over in the past two years, I gave him a chance. We got married when our son was two years old. About six months later, I was sitting alone at a park watching my son play and a couple came over and asked me if they could pray for me. I wanted to respect them and even though it felt really awkward, I let them pray for me. They asked if they could pray for anything specific. I said “No,” so they just prayed a general prayer over me. 

A week or two later, a few of my friends from a previous workplace wanted to get together at a coffee house. I was running late and rushed in really stressed. As I was walking in the door, I saw a girl I graduated high school with and she was on the phone. She grabbed my arm, smiled and said, “Hi! How are you? My pastor is on the phone. Can he pray for you?”  I thought, “He better make this fast because I am late!” I took the phone and her pastor prayed that God would show up in my life. That was it. 

I got my coffee and sat down with my friends. They were all quiet. Finally, one of them said they had found out from a reliable source that my husband was having an affair. In that moment, I felt an unexplainable peace, like God was wrapping me up in a hug. While I was still sitting there, we called the girl and she admitted to the affair. It was a pleasant but somber conversation. Again, I had a supernatural peace. 

I was encouraged by my family to work it out with my husband and decided to try. We stayed together for another four to five months after I found out about the affair, but I kept finding messages, emails, and porn. I felt like he wasn’t going to be able to stop. I had also dealt with some abuse. I had never felt as lonely in my entire life.

We divorced when our son was three. After this I felt like God really pursued me. My thoughts started changing. Out of the blue, I had a desire to take my son to church. I had been against that the whole time I was married. It was a miracle that I felt the desire to go to church. After going to church every Sunday for a full year, I gave my life to Christ. 

During this time, God used the sermons to speak to me in powerful ways. One Sunday, the pastor said that there is a God-shaped hole in our hearts. We can try and fill it with whatever, but God is the only One that can fill that empty space. Unless He fills it, we will be constantly searching and unfulfilled. That really connected with me because that is what I had been trying to do—fill the hole with drugs, alcohol, and men. 

In another sermon, the pastor talked about the fact that people will always disappoint us but God never will. God did not create the world to be the way that it is. I was a completely broken person when I heard this message, 23 years old, divorced, with a four-year-old. I had started dating someone and our relationship was not honoring God. I was stressed financially and emotionally. My whole life had been a series of disappointments from people that I loved and trusted. 

After hearing that sermon, I completely surrendered to the Lord. I finally said to God, “I can’t make decisions in my life without You.” I was ready for God to take over. I was ready to be obedient.  I call this the day I was truly saved. My relationship with God really started that day. Looking back, I can see how God brought me to that place. He was with me the whole time and was so patient to wait for me to give up my pride. When I was ready, He welcomed me with open arms. He redeemed me. 

I felt God leading me away from the man I was dating. I wanted a God-honoring relationship, so I walked away.

That was in June of 2013. In the fall of that year, I started a BSF Bible study with some women on the Gospel of Matthew. I immersed myself in the Gospel and was completely changed by Jesus. As I got to know Jesus better, I realized that if I ever remarried, my husband would have to be sold out for Christ. 

Friends had fixed me up with a man right after my divorce—before my life changed. He knew right away I was not right for him. He was a man of great character, a Christian who was committed to living a God-honoring life. And at the time we first met, I was a “train wreck.” We became Facebook friends after we first met, and over the next few months he noticed that I was changing because of what I was posting on Facebook. We decided to meet for coffee. His love for Jesus was so evident. He told me, “I’m not looking for someone to fulfill me. I’m looking for someone to partner with me in serving Jesus.” He shared that he had gotten a divorce because his wife had an affair. It had been a devastating experience for him. I could relate to him—we both knew what it felt like to be betrayed. 

We are now married and I see the difference between a marriage with Christ and a marriage without Christ. God has revealed to me what He created marriage to look like—the emotional connection, the intimacy, and supporting and serving each other while partnering to serve others. 

But it hasn’t all been easy. We struggled to get pregnant, and our first pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage. A few months later I became pregnant again and the Lord gave that baby an extra chromosome. We struggled through the pregnancy, and still do to some extent, to accept that our child will face unimaginable circumstances at times. BUT—God has given me freedom from circumstances in that I have peace in the midst of uncertainty. It is a joy to go through life’s challenges with Jesus and a husband who is so supporting. God provided a strong, compassionate, prayerful husband who trusts with me that God is sovereign, God is in control, and He knows what He is doing. God is so big but He is also in every tiny detail. He sees the whole world but walks intimately with his kids every step of the way. God doesn’t abandon us when we struggle to believe. He is rock solid—forever unchanging. He is redeeming every broken detail of my past. He is in the business of forgiveness and is patiently loving me in my successes and failures every day. 

A Million God Stories is a Christ-centered ministry which offers a platform for Christians from all streams of Christian faith to give praise for how God has worked in their lives. Christ heals in infinitely creative ways and we acknowledge that His way of helping may differ from person to person.

#90 Lifted Out of Darkness

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Photo by Nicole Tarpoff

In January of 2016, I was diagnosed with bipolar depression after being admitted to the Behavioral Health Unit at a local hospital for an almost-suicide attempt. After being diagnosed and put on medication, my moods started to level out and I began to feel “okay” again. 

Fast-forward to mid-June of last year: My moods suddenly shifted again, darkness surrounded my mind and heart, and I was having a lot of suicidal thoughts and had even planned my death and had begun to write a few letters that I was going to mail before I killed myself. I didn’t tell anyone that I was struggling again (though I’m sure my mood change might have been obvious to some friends) because I had been doing so well and was ashamed that I had fallen again. 

One day before I had planned to commit suicide, I was texting a friend. Almost out of nowhere, she responds to a text that I sent and says, “Look, I JUST got back from a funeral and I really don’t want to have to go to yours.” I hadn’t even hinted to her (at least I don’t think I did) that I was planning on taking my life the next day; and needless to say, I didn’t. 

Several weeks later, I asked her why she said what she did and her response was that God had told her to say it right then. She doesn’t know it, nor does anyone else for that matter, but her obedience to God in that moment saved my life. God used her words to break through deepest darkness that I had ever found myself trapped in and set me free. It’s clear as day that God placed her in my life for that moment so that He could bring glory to Himself through her obedience to Him and faithfulness to me as a friend. If He hadn’t shown Himself in that moment, I wouldn’t be alive to tell you how high, deep, wide, and strong His love is for us. 

Life has not been easy since then and, admittedly, I’ve still occasionally had suicidal thoughts. Instead of allowing the darkness to consume me, I think back to that moment and remember that there are people here on earth that love me deeply and that I have a Father that loves me immeasurably more than that. Thanks to a friend who showed friendship and obedience to that same Father, that moment, those words, that feeling of the deepest love has made all the difference in my life. 

A Million God Stories is a Christ-centered ministry which offers a platform for Christians from all streams of Christian faith to give praise for how God has worked in their lives. Christ heals in infinitely creative ways and we acknowledge that His way of helping may differ from person to person.

#89 That is True Love

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Photo by Lucas Wiman

One day back in November I was in a pretty sour mood for most of the day. I was having bitter feelings toward a person who really had done me no wrong. These feelings kept attacking me throughout the day because I felt hurt by the person. 

I was feeling miserable by the time my campus ministry meeting started that night. The message spoke to my heart because it talked about how desperately we needed God to perform surgery on our hearts to free us from our sinful nature and habits. I went back to my dorm and felt drawn to my knees. I started to pray, “Father, show me what true forgiveness looks like.” He cut me off halfway through the word “forgiveness” and put an image in my head of Jesus on the cross. He was beaten and had blood pouring down from him. He was bruised and in great agony yet He called out, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” God told me, “This is true forgiveness.” 

Then the vision in my head went back to just before Jesus was crucified. I was on the platform with Jesus; one of us was about to be set free, the other was going to the cross. I knew my sin and that I was deserving of the punishment, but in my selfishness I thought to myself, “I hope that they send Jesus to the cross, because if Jesus goes to the cross then I can be free.” Jesus looked over at me and says, “That is why I came; go and sin no more.” God said to me, “That is true love.” 

With that vision I was finally able to really grasp Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. He taught me love and forgiveness in a very powerful way that left me in awe. How awesome our God is!

A Million God Stories is a Christ-centered ministry which offers a platform for Christians from all streams of Christian faith to give praise for how God has worked in their lives. Christ heals in infinitely creative ways and we acknowledge that His way of helping may differ from person to person.